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Monday, November 19, 2012

Motherhood Mondays: Would you ever decide to NOT have kids?

We talk a lot about babies, but what about making the choice not to have children? Would you consider that? Here, five readers reveal their fascinating reasons...

Even asking the question "Why don't you want kids?" makes a statement. "People are still expected to provide reasons not to have children, but no reasons are required to have them," wrote Christine Overall in the New York Times. "It's assumed that if individuals do not have children it is because they are infertile, too selfish or have just not yet gotten around to it. In any case, they owe their interlocutor an explanation. On the other hand, no one says to the proud parents of a newborn, Why did you choose to have that child? What are your reasons? The choice to procreate is not regarded as needing any thought or justification."

Funnily enough, my mom's husband—who, as a retired psychology professor, is unfailingly philosophical—turned to me one morning at breakfast when I was pregnant with Toby. "Why do you want to have a baby?" he asked me. "It's just like having a pet." After thinking about it, I laughed; he was kind of right. In the past, families may have needed kids to help work on the farm and that kind of thing, but for us there was no real reason to have a baby. I just wanted children in such a deep way that it felt separate from rational analysis.

But what if you don't feel that way? Many people don't—in fact, nearly one-in-five American women now ends her childbearing years without giving birth, up from one-in-ten in the 1970s, according to a 2010 Pew study. Of course some of those women may have wanted children and couldn't have them for whatever reason; but others simply chose not to.

Here, five wonderful readers spoke to me on the phone about why they've decided—definitively—not to have kids...

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Jean, 31, Portland, married
“I’d be the biggest basketcase mother.”


I get stressed out easily. When I was little, I was the kid who freaked out when my brother went to high school because I thought he’d start doing drugs! I get really anxious about people I care about. When I got older, I realized that the fewer people I get really attached to, the less anxious I get. I’ve loved my husband since I was 14, and when we finally got married I felt like I'd won the lottery. He’s the first person I’ve been truly attached to other than my parents and brother, and that brought on a whole new level of anxiousness. I realized how much that would get amplified if I had kids. I’d be an emotional wreck. If my kids went to school and got teased, I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I think about the teenage years; oh my gosh, I would probably die. I want to spare myself that.

It’s about knowing yourself well enough to know what is best and what you can handle. Right now we have a cat, and it’s perfect. In couple years, when we slow down, we get a dog. And they won’t turn on me and tell me they hate me when they’re 12.

When my friends had kids, I felt that emotional hormonal rush like, “Oh, I need to have a baby.” But the logical part of my brain was like, “No, you shouldn’t.” Still, I feel that twinge. It’s really hard because you do have to be honest. I love kids. I do want them. But I’ve chosen to not have them. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I had to look at myself honestly and think, oh my gosh, I would be the biggest basketcase mom. You want to make the decision from your good-choice-making brain, not the I-need-to-be-a-mama side of your brain.

It’s weird because if you say you don’t want to have kids, everyone assumes you’re selfish or not nurturing or not compassionate. For me, that that’s not the case. I still have that strong desire to nurture something. I tell my husband, I still need something to take care of. I need to get some chickens.

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Christina, 38, NYC, in a relationship
“I didn’t want to end up like my mom.”


I didn't have the happiest childhood with two parents who loved and respected each other, so the idea of having a husband and children was never one of my life goals. The women who fascinated me the most were the ones who never married and never had kids and got to travel everywhere and live life on their own terms. My mother said repeatedly that she ruined her life by getting married and having a child (thanks, Mom!).

As a single person, my mother worked for Pan Am and loved it. But then she got married and moved across the country. And my dad wasn’t exactly Husband Of The Year. So all of a sudden she’s stuck with an alcoholic philandering husband and a kid in the California suburbs. She would have been so much happier as a single career woman, versus a stay-at-home mom in the ’burbs.

If I’d grown up in a family where being married was the best thing that ever happened to them and having a child was the second best thing, I might feel differently. But I don’t know…I always knew I didn’t want to end up like my mom. The whole image of having a husband and a kid isn’t always rosy.

The women I looked up to were the ones who didn’t have to do the family thing. They were so well-traveled and glamorous. And they seemed happy even if other people looked down on them. People in my family would say, “Oh, there’s Aunt Connie, she’s the spinster.” But she seemed perfectly happy to me!

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Alexandra, 30, NYC, married
“I want to have a grown-up life.”


Growing up, you figure that you’re going to have kids. But one day in my early twenties, it kind of dawned on me: Who says I have to? What if I didn’t? I never had that overwhelming desire to have kids, like lots of women seem to.

When I met my husband, we fell madly in love, and we both admitted early on that we didn’t want children. People say you’ll regret it at Thanksgiving when you’re 50 and you’re not surrounded by family, but to be honest, I’d rather be sitting at Thanksgiving with my husband.

I like the idea of grown-up activities. It’s not like I have a specific hobby, I just really like the grown-up life. If I’m not going to recitals, that’s ok with me. I want to be married, not married with a child.

Still, I’m one of those people who gaze at every single baby photo on Facebook. It’s not that I hate children; that’s just not the life that I want. When my first really good friend had her baby, I cried out of sheer joy for her. But it actually strengthened my feelings about not wanting to have children because I felt overwhelming pride for her but no jealousy.

I read all these stories, like Moms Unite! And I kind of want to be like, Women Unite! I feel like I’m part of a minority. Why can’t we all help each other and be nice to each other? You don’t always have to identify yourself with a group. You can just be a person.

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Muriel, 26, Atlanta, in a relationship
“I have different priorities.”


Deciding not to have kids is tough to talk about. It’s like being a teenager and feeling self-conscious about your body. When you say, I don’t want kids, people look at you in a certain way. You think, oh my god, maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Maybe I should have just smiled and nodded. You feel that same awkward teenage feeling, like my legs are too long, I’m too tall, I have acne.

I was on the fence for a while. My mom wanted grandkids, so I went back and forth… procreation, human beings, evolution...I thought about all of that. But in the end, it wasn’t right for me.

For some people, parenthood is their calling. I respect that. Whereas for other people, it’s not in their personality. Some people are meant to be artists, some people are meant to work in finance, some people are meant to be parents. And some people aren’t. You don’t want someone who is bad with numbers dealing with your IRA.

People say, what do you mean you don’t want to have kids? This is the pinnacle of your existence! This is what we’re here for! And I’m like, I’m sorry, it isn’t. My friends are like, when are you getting married and having kids? That’s when you’re an adult. But I’m like, no, I’m a homeowner, I have a good job, I travel, I have a car…I’m a grown-up!

Remember that Atlantic article about having it all? She defined "having it all" as having a job, marriage and kids. But in the end we’re all different people. Our “all” is not the same for everyone. My “all” might be, I want to travel and visit the entire continent of Asia. For you, it might be you want to have three kids, one boy and two girls. For another person, it might mean working for the Peace Corps for the next 15 years. We’re all different people, we all have different dreams, so it’s kind of sad that we’re all placed under the same umbrella.

I don’t have that feeling that I want to have babies. I have other priorities in my life. I have friends where even though their kid just pooped all over them, they’re like, this is the greatest joy I’ve ever had. But I’m not that person.

I first told my mom on my birthday, because I figured then she couldn’t yell at me. She was taken aback and sad at first, but really supportive once she heard my reasons.

If you decide not to have kids, you shouldn’t be ashamed of it. We all have free will; we should all be able to make our decisions regardless of other people’s beliefs. You have the right to do whatever you need to do to chase your dreams and love your life.

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Cat, 30, Brooklyn, married
“I never had that maternal calling.”


My entire life, I knew that having kids wasn’t for me. I really think it comes down to human biology. Most people have an urge to create a copy of themselves. But I never felt that way.

It’s such a major life change. It’s not something that anyone should enter into flippantly. If you met a base jumper, they wouldn’t be like, come on, base jump! What do you have to lose? And having a kid, it’s at least 25 years of life, most of your money, potentially affects your body and relationship…for people who harass you about it, it doesn’t make sense.

When my brother had a kid, I was like, what will I do? I honestly don’t enjoy the company of children 90% of the time. But fortunately I had some really great aunts in my family, so I was like, I want to be a good aunt. Partially because my brother has really different political views, so I wanted to imprint mine on them as much as possible!

One day, my mom was like, are you sure? Are you really serious? I was like, Mom, I’ve thought about this a lot. Now she steps up and says, Catherine’s going to be the very best aunt.

When I met my husband, we talked about it early on. He feels the exact same way that I do. However, I’ve seen women who say no, no, no, but then they reach their thirties and they’re frantic to have a kid. So I told my husband that if my opinions ever started changing, we should have some talk-down speeches ready for me. And when my husband wanted to be a high-school teacher, I imagined him getting soft, so we made up some talk-down speeches for him, too, just in case! But we haven’t needed them.

More than anything, we’ve never felt a calling. There are three positions people should probably feel a calling for: any sort of religious leadership, teaching or childrearing. People shouldn’t do it because of expectations or because their parents did it. They’re such influential roles; no one should take those positions lightly.

********

Another reason to choose not to have children is financial. My friend Corrie took financial concerns into account when deciding whether or not to have a baby, and the New York Times just published an essay about opting out of parenthood with finances in mind.

What about you? Where do you fall on the scale? Were you born to be a mother? Do you definitely not want kids? Or somewhere in between? I'd love to hear your thoughts...and thank you to these wonderful women for bravely and honestly sharing their insights!

P.S. My friend Corrie's fascinating essay about trying to decide whether or not to have a baby.

(Top photo of Spencer Tracy with Katharine Hepburn, who never had kids)

527 comments:

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el {what you fancy} said...

You know what? I'm jealous. Jealous of those who strongly know one way or another. I'm 31, just married and deliriously happy, but swing violently between wanting children and cooing over the cute stuff my friends' kids (not sure if I'm crazy about the babies) do, to being so content without and not wanting to change that... I LOVE being alone, quiet time, sleeping and being selfish. All of which will go right out the window when kids arrive! I'm so undecided, but my husband couldn't imagine not having children, so would I do it just to make him happy and hope that it ultimately makes me happy?? It's a tricky one. I wish I knew for sure either way.

Jenny Jenny said...

Great topic but the nod to Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracey is very misleading. They never had children together because Tracey was married to another woman until his death, a woman who he did in fact have children with. One of those children was deaf and the real Mrs. Tracey devoted her life (and husband's money) to advancing causes for the disabled. Out of respect for her, her work, and his faith, Tracey never divorced her. Jo, the Tracey-Hepburn chemistry on screen and off is infamous but to honor their unique love, Louise Tracey's incredible accomplishments, and the Tracey children especially, you may want to consider removing the photo.

Sarah Rooftops said...

Great article. I've always known I was unlikely to have children naturally, so I've never factored it into the future - I'm at a point now where, if I *do* want them, I need to crack on and get IVF before it's too late (it's available up to age 36 in my area - I'll be 34 next month); on the other hand, I'm still not at a point at which I could actually afford them. But I *am* at a point at which I realise that my life is really, really nice as it is and I've no complaints or regrets if I remain childfree.

I don't understand why the "selfish" argument is considered a winning one. Surely, whether you want kids or not, you're making the decision which you feel will make you happiest? Which means that either option is selfish, really. Or neither are. I don't see a need to rate one option as morally better or worse than the other.

Conny said...

I had my daughter with 26 and now am 31 years old. The truth is that I didn't had time to think about that because it came so fast and unexpected. Before I wasn't very much into kids, I could even say that I was almost against it. Even now the only kid I love it's mine, the other are just brats...mine may also be, but I truly love her.
I rember one time, before having her, I opened a shop's door and right behind me a kid wanted to get out but I didn't saw him so his hand got traped in the door and I just opended, said sorry and walked away.
When I saw my daughter for the first time, it was like how can I love so much somebody that I just meet.
You cannot say you don't want something that you haven't ever experienced.

benson said...

and then there are those who have kids who really shouldn't have kids.
Working in the school district I can say I've seen it all.
Parents who can't handle parenthood and think the school and teachers should "raise" their kids and teach them social skills, respect, manners and morals(yes; we like to confirm these skills but really feel that a parent should be the foundation).
Helicopter parents who feel the world should revolve around their child or at the very least the school where they are presently attending.
Parents who enable their children to make bad choices and confirm those choices by making excuses for them.
Parents who have too many kids and don't have the time to spend with their children to allow them to succeed.
I applaud the people that don't feel they would make good parents and decide not to have kids...wish there were more of you.

H.L said...

Really interesting post, thank you! I've always found it hard to understand why some people doesn't want children and I don't think I'll ever fully grasp it, but it helped a bit to read about the reasons in the post and comments. Though I guess it's like explaining why you want to have children - it's a feeling.

I'm 22 and intend to have children in a couple of years with my boyfriend whom I've been together with for seven years now. It's nothing I can imagine having now, because I'm not mature enough for that. I want to be a great mother and in order for that I have to wait. For now we want to travel and enjoy eachother!

Prazzie said...

I'm really surprised to hear some people think choosing not to have children is selfish! I even looked the word up to make sure I understood what it meant. A selfish person is chiefly concerned with their own profit or pleasure, at the expense of consideration for others.

It is entirely due to consideration for our unborn children that my partner and I chose not to have them. I like children, I work with children, I volunteer my time to help disabled children. I am not a selfish person. I would want to spare my children pain and suffering. Living in a third world country means I had to carefully consider what it would mean to have a child. I would not be satisfied with the schooling offered in my area. We have extremely high crime rates. Job opportunities are scarce.

No, what would be selfish is to ignore the wants, needs and desires of my unborn children and to just have them anyway, despite my circumstances, because it would give me pleasure.

Erin and Cliff said...

@la and a few other people - Well, I am a woman and I have never, ever felt, or seen PRESSURE on women to have children. Honestly, I see quite the opposite. There is an expectation for women to be in the workforce during their childbearing years, there is pressure to accept that abortion is OK, there is pressure to focus on yourself and YOUR happiness instead of sacrificing to bear and raise happy children. And then there is the whole 'world pollution' and 'over population' arguments which to me are a sorry excuse. The birthrate in the US is the lowest it's ever been in 25 years, and the birthrates in most European and Asian countries have been below replacement levels for years.

I think if a woman, man, anyone feels pressure to have a baby, it's coming from within. And maybe that's a good thing! Maybe that is the little small voice inside of you that urges you to do good, that is urging you to make the right and selfless decision to stop being selfish and give your love and talents to parent an innocent child and do your best to teach them how to be a competent adult.

Yes, I'm sure there are people in the world who ought not be parents. I am a parent, and parenthood is HARD. But we already know that no one is perfect. No parent is perfect. So why not have a little faith that you can do this incredible calling, while fixing any little mistakes you make along the way, and experiencing a whole lot of love and joy along the way as well?

((And furthermore, who the heck is "glorifying" the Duggars? It seems to me that the focus on them is more along the lines of media saying, "Why the heck do these people WANT to have and bear so many children??" It's pointing out how different they are than the normal person or family. I don't see any glorification...))

Erin and Cliff said...

@la and a few other people - Well, I am a woman and I have never, ever felt, or seen PRESSURE on women to have children. Honestly, I see quite the opposite. There is an expectation for women to be in the workforce during their childbearing years, there is pressure to accept that abortion is OK, there is pressure to focus on yourself and YOUR happiness instead of sacrificing to bear and raise happy children. And then there is the whole 'world pollution' and 'over population' arguments which to me are a sorry excuse. The birthrate in the US is the lowest it's ever been in 25 years, and the birthrates in most European and Asian countries have been below replacement levels for years.

I think if a woman, man, anyone feels pressure to have a baby, it's coming from within. And maybe that's a good thing! Maybe that is the little small voice inside of you that urges you to do good, that is urging you to make the right and selfless decision to stop being selfish and give your love and talents to parent an innocent child and do your best to teach them how to be a competent adult.

Yes, I'm sure there are people in the world who ought not be parents. I am a parent, and parenthood is HARD. But we already know that no one is perfect. No parent is perfect. So why not have a little faith that you can do this incredible calling, while fixing any little mistakes you make along the way, and experiencing a whole lot of love and joy along the way as well?

((And furthermore, who the heck is "glorifying" the Duggars? It seems to me that the focus on them is more along the lines of media saying, "Why the heck do these people WANT to have and bear so many children??" It's pointing out how different they are than the normal person or family. I don't see any glorification...))

Kim said...

Yes! I love empowering topics like this. I'm one of those people who has always felt called to be a mother - even in grade school, I answered the "when you grow up" question with a career choice that could accommodate motherhood. My desire to be a mom actually surpasses my desire to be married, actually. Because I have this deep desire, though, I totally understand how people would make the opposite choice. I was born to one of those "accidental" moms, and it was rough! Ideally, kids should be wanted by their parents - it's best for everyone!

owlina said...

On the concept that it’s “selfish” to NOT have kids: this is utterly irrational. When there are MILLIONS of children in the world who do not have anyone to take care of them, MILLIONS of children who are starving, impoverished, uneducated, displaced, oppressed, or all of the above – on a purely rational, ethical, and practical basis, what is selfish is choosing to have your own when you could adopt and/or support in some other way all these children in the world. It’s monumentally selfish to blithely have your own children under these circumstances and not consider the implications of doing so on the existing children of the world – not to mention the environmental impact.

It often feels like people are having children as a vanity project – wanting to see little versions of themselves or their spouses – and this really manifests when couples will go to extraordinary lengths to have “their own” child rather than adopt when they face challenges in conceiving. Why not take care of a child who has no one else? It’s also sad that so many people seem to have kids because it’s just one of those things you do and that society expects – if you do not know and cannot express why you want kids, please don’t have them. The number of times I’ve had seemingly rational people try to convince me to have kids is amazing, and they all seem flummoxed when I ask them to justify their decision to HAVE children as my response to their demanding to know why I won’t.

I do not begrudge anyone who wants to have kids, but when those people turn around and say that it’s “selfish” not to – that is bizarre, ignorant, and unethical. I can contribute far more to the world by not having children, and that’s what I’ve chosen to do. And when and if the day comes that I want children, I will adopt.

Oh, and don’t tell me “you’ll change your mind when you get older and/or the right man comes along” – I’m in my 40s and have been married for 10 years to a completely awesome guy. And speaking of “selfish” – the most common argument I’ve had people use to try to convince me to have kids? “But who will take care of you when you get old?” And I’m selfish?

Unknown said...

A life in which you do what you want to do, every day. When you enjoy the company of others but your own wants are paramount. That sounds like a child's life, not a grown-up life. I don't mean to debate, only, you'll understand if I find the sort of life you all are describing and calling "grown-up" as being a rather twisted definition of the idea behind growing up.

crashgrab said...

Just curious, do you think people who are past child bearing age should stop having sex because they can't procreate anymore? What about infertile couples?

crashgrab said...

Just curious, do you think infertile couples or couples past child bearing age should stop having sex? It seems you're under the impression that sex is only for procreation. This may be your opinion, but people prove you wrong every minute by having sex for enjoyment & love.

crashgrab said...

I think the confusion is who are you being selfish towards? Some unborn child that doesn't exist?

Joyelle said...

"Why can’t we all help each other and be nice to each other? You don’t always have to identify yourself with a group. You can just be a person." -Alexandra

Thank you for bringing this topic up and sharing these women's stories. For me, Alexandra made the best and most valid point in this discussion. I am a mom of a 3 year old girl, Cora Evelyn and happily married. I want to have friends and be in community with all types of folks, old, young, children, no children, married, unmarried. I agree with Alexandra and applaud her point. Happy Holidays!

yks said...

I am 46, married for the first time 4 years ago. For as long as I remember I never wanted to have kids. I always left the door open in my mind that it might be an option in the future. I was also never in a hurry to get married either. I spent my 20's and 30's living in NYC with a great group of close girlfriends and a successful career in publishing. Life was always busy both with work and friends. I liked never having to answer to anyone but myself. This was important for me to realize as I would never want to be the parent who resented their child for anything. I realized through several long term relationships that partnering with someone and having close friends and being able to travel was truly fulfilling for me. That maternal urge just never surfaced for me. I met my husband on a blind date while I visited my hometown in CA. I eventually moved back west and we got married. He has 2 grown daughters with whom I have good friendships with. They have great moms and me. I am glad they are in my life. As much as they add to my life I am still 100% certain not having kids of my own was the right choice for me.

rafael said...

this is satire, right?

Allie said...

Overpopulation is a HUGELY dangerous issue that I feel so so many people are unaware of. We live in a world where there are not enough resources for the people that currently exist (i.e. hunger, starvation, energy needs). I am in a committed relationship, and at 27, I want children badly and feel ready to have them, but I feel guilty for considering adding an additional consumer to a society whose world already doesn't have enough resources to go around. There are already so many starving/freezing/homeless people on this earth, and what right do I have to create another person to consume food, energy, and resources that could go to people who already exist?

I feel selfish for desperately wanting my own children, and I feel the only moral decision would be to adopt. I respect but cannot relate at all to the women here who do not feel the urge to be a mother, but I do think we all have a moral obligation to recognize what is a biological urge and decide how we can best accommodate it, personally and within a wider social realm.

ita darling. said...

After years of trying to justify not having kids to the world and having to endlessly explain myself to the cries of "you'll change your mind" "you'd be a great mom" and "you haven't met the right guy" yada yada yada.. i just simply started telling people that i am unable to have kids. even to guys that i started dating... its really no one else's business what i do, and i don't have to justify my list of reasons. i am now 35 and single- i still get asked the question all the time.. but i am at a good place professionally, i just got relocated to Paris, I get mistaken for 26 all the time (so i guess i am not prematurely aging).. overall, i just am who i am.

susan seyler said...

Not to mention, you can get out of the pool when you've had enough.

Also, my good friend has an awful mother who absolutely regrets having children.

Kati said...

i hear myself echoed in every one of these women. i've known i didn't want to have kids since i was five years old but no one bought it. now that it's been 16 years and i'm still saying the same thing, people are starting to agree. but they still act like i'm damaged or voluntarily decreasing the quality of the world by not reproducing myself in it. i've thought about it, it wouldn't be horrible, but i want to be a medical relief worker. i want to live in a different country every year. i want to be able to spend long hours working and not feel like i need to get home to take care of a child. the life i feel called to isn't one that children fit into well. i've accepted that which is truly all that matters. now if only we could figure out how to get other people to understand too...

lilyandscooter said...

This is a great post and a great opportunity for women to talk about something that doesnt always get a lot of press. I'm a bit surprised to not hear more women talk about struggling to have children, and how that factored into their decision making process. My husband and I entered our marriage planning to have children- as a matter of fact it was a big priority for both of us. Unfortunately in one year I had three consecutive miscarriages late in my first trimester, and it became clear that having children was not going to be easy for us, not to mention an incredible emotional roller coaster ride. After having every test in the book done on me and my hubs, with no conclusive explanation, it was recommended that we try genetic in-vitro, where they test embryos to confirm they are viable prior to implanting. With this information in mind we decided to take a break from trying, and focus on our marriage and healing from the year. (I'm sure you all can only imagine what its like to go through 3 miscarriages in one year). I spent a lot of time talking about how I felt, not only with my husband but with my therapist (who had helped me keep my sanity though the pregnancies) and felt more and more that things happen the way they are meant to, and that maybe we just werent meant to have kids. We knew that having children would not make our marriage stronger- and could possibly have a negative effect on our bond- and our focus was on each other, supporting one another, and doing whatever we could to be better people. Now, a year on, we are happy with our decision, but keep it an open ended one, having children is a constant discussion for us, and one in which we allow ourselves and each other to feel differently day to day. We know that we will really WANT to have children in order to have it happen- either "naturally" or by adopting. And because we have such an open dialogue, there's no resentment, held back feelings, or worry. We know we're making the right decision now, and have left open the possibility to change it later.

Marinda said...

I think it's fantastic to see women who are thoughtfully considering whether or not they want to have children. I agree with many above comments that if all women were to be so thoughtful about this decision, we would have stronger and more caring mothers. However, I have not met a single person who had kids (whether on purpose or not) who regretted it. I recognize that there are people out there who do but I personally don't know any. This is a hard decision because until you are a mother, you will never know what it's like to be one. That being said, this is not a good reason to become a mother, simply because you don't know what it's like. But I think in life you can come up with so many reasons not to do something, but until you do it, you'll never know.

I respect these women for their decisions and would never want them to feel pressured into a decision they don't agree with. I simply want to address the other side in a way that hopefully will also be taken into consideration and that doesn't come off as judgmental or pressuring as society most definitely does with this issue.

Ashley said...

Yeah, it would just as easy to argue that HAVING kids is selfish. I don't know why making judgments like that even needs to be part of the conversation.

Kizz said...

I haven't had time to read all the comments yet but I've read several where folks are hoping to hear from somewhat older women who are child free by choice. As one of those I thought I'd comment before I went to bed, which I have to do soon because I'm getting up early to go see Santa with my 11-year-old friend.

I'm 43 (44 next month), never married, currently single, and I've never wanted children. The idea of being pregnant makes my skin crawl. There's a photo that went around the internet a few years ago of a pregnant belly with the perfect image of a foot stretching forward into the skin like it's about to pop through and I got the vapors over it. Surely that visceral reaction has had some influence over my general feelings of not being "called" to parenting.

I have always said and maintain that if a child were to be dropped on my doorstep I'd be a good parent and happy to fill those shoes but it's not something I'd ever seek out. I love kids. I've been a teacher, an auntie, and a mentor. I was fortunate to have childfree women in my life who were deeply influential as a supplement to my parents. I believe with all my heart that children are the responsibility of our whole society and helping them to grow up into well-educated, caring, responsible members of the community should be a top priority for all of us. Because I believe that it seems crazy that I would put a premium on bringing a child of my own blood into the world. Just look how many kids are already here and who don't have adequate support, how could I justify not throwing my weight behind them and diverting what I have to offer to a new pipeline? That's the choice that often seems selfish to me but since I never felt the "calling" I don't feel comfortable categorizing it that way. We have to do what we feel is right and having children is so intensely right for some.

I'm as thrilled to be a minor, watchful presence in the lives of the kids in my neighborhood as I am to have annual traditions with kids I'm closer to like tomorrow's trip to see Santa and our summer outing to march in the Mermaid Parade and our monthly brunches. I'm also the only child of aging divorced parents. I've got plenty of people to take care of, why would I manufacture another one?

greyout said...

I think that question can be applied to EVERYTHING in life, you know? I mean, every choice we make alters our path through life. Maybe someone will choose not to have a child, and will regret it. Maybe they will never regret it, but in a parallel universe they're ecstatic as a stay-at-home mom with 7 babies. Maybe someone else will think being a mom is their absolute calling and then, after having a child (or multiple children), will realize that it's changed her life in ways that are NOT fulfilling to her. There's really never a sure way to know how you'll feel about a choice until it's over, so all we're ever doing is trying to make the best guesses we can.

greyout said...

I think that question can be applied to EVERYTHING in life, you know? I mean, every choice we make alters our path through life. Maybe someone will choose not to have a child, and will regret it. Maybe they will never regret it, but in a parallel universe they're ecstatic as a stay-at-home mom with 7 babies. Maybe someone else will think being a mom is their absolute calling and then, after having a child (or multiple children), will realize that it's changed her life in ways that are NOT fulfilling to her. There's really never a sure way to know how you'll feel about a choice until it's over, so all we're ever doing is trying to make the best guesses we can.

greyout said...

Isn't it equally as self-centered to want a child, then? Several posters have cited reasons such as passing on one's 'brains' or 'beauty', wanting to feel unconditionally loved or otherwise personally fulfilled, etc. What about all the women who get pregnant unexpectedly and then bring a child into a situation where they have neither the financial or emotional resources to properly raise said child?

I think that both choices (choosing to have children, or choosing not to have children) are equally fantastic, as they indicate that thought has been given to a decision that will deeply affect not only the life of the woman making the choice, but the life of her (existing or potential future) partner, her family (who may have to help care for the child in part, i.e. babysitting, etc., or completely, i.e. the mother dies or is otherwise incapacitated, etc.), society (who may have to pay for assistance if the mother is ill equipped to care for the child through her own means), and certainly not least of all the child his/herself.

As far as I can see, the only truly selfish option when it comes to producing a child is when the choice is not given the consideration and planning it deserves to ensure the best life for EVERYONE involved.

greyout said...

And, of course, it quite a bit easier to get over it if you DO find yourself regretting the swim. ;)

PamelaH said...

I have asked myself the question since I was 25 b/c I always wanted to make sure that I was making decisions based on not just my gut, but logically. I'm now 33 and happily married and don't have much more time to ponder...I'd love to hear from women who decided not to and are now in their 40s and 50s. Thanks for introducing the topic on your blog. I really appreciate it and all those who have commented as well. Well done, ladies.

Paige Copeland said...

I LOVE this post. It's so refreshing to hear the phrase "I don't want to have children." I'm a little or well actually quite different from probably almost all the women who have commented I do plan on having adopted children one day and why not there are hundreds of thousands of kids in foster care across the U.S. who deserve loving families just as much as any biological child does, but I refuse to have a biological child. I'm sorry and excuse me for being graphic, but I will NOT have my vagina ripped and split and torn apart for a baby and go through all the pains of pregnancy and of course the six week healing process afterwards that NOBODY talks about. So I always love to find post about people who (although for much different reasons than my own) have decided not to have children. I unfortunately have zero support from my family and friends and even co-workers who barely know me. I have become used to "Oh you'll change your mind!" (Thanks I didn't know you have a crystal ball.) and of course my favorite line "You'll never love an adopted child as much as you will a biological child." which is just plain grates my nerves to pieces how random people can be so selfish to say that! But anyway thank you so much for writing something that so many people really don't talk about, because it's just not accepted in society.

Mavis Hawthorne said...

As a married childless woman, it is infuriating to me when women who choose to be parents view childless women as selfish. Being able to be honest with yourself and others about personal reasons for why parenting may not be your bag is an extremely selfless thing a man or woman can do. Labeling us as selfish for doing what is best for us is merely judging us for choosing a different path in life. As mentioned above, people used to have many children because they needed them to do work. Those living in industrialized nations no longer need to procreate for that reason so it's only natural that in the age in which we live, we can actually ask ourselves if parenting is necessary. Labeling us as selfish implies that we are not participating in something that the majority of our society seems to think is our obligation.

Mavis Hawthorne said...

As a married childless woman, it is infuriating to me when women who choose to be parents view childless women as selfish. Being able to be honest with yourself and others about personal reasons for why parenting may not be your bag is an extremely selfless thing a man or woman can do. Labeling us as selfish for doing what is best for us is merely judging us for choosing a different path in life. As mentioned above, people used to have many children because they needed them to do work. Those living in industrialized nations no longer need to procreate for that reason so it's only natural that in the age in which we live, we can actually ask ourselves if parenting is necessary. Labeling us as selfish implies that we are not participating in something that the majority of our society seems to think is our obligation.

Lisa said...

@Diane

Actually North America does not have the longest paid maternity leave in the world. Canada gets 52 weeks, and the United States, which make up the OTHER half of North America, gets ZERO *paid* maternity leave, except for CA, NJ, PR, HI and NY.

Bosnia, Herzegovina, Croatia, Denmark, Serbia, UK, Albania - 365 days
Sweden - 420 days!

1e236c4a-580d-11e2-b148-000bcdca4d7a said...

No one questions your mental capacity if you buy a truck over a car, or a get a cat over a dog, or prefer country over heavy metal - but the whole world seems to feel that it's OK to question your character if you've never had the urge to have children.

I knew when I was a little kid that I didn't want to be a mom. For years I battled the "you will change your mind" " one day when you meet the right man" "you're young now, but wait until you're older"

It wasn't until I was about 13 when I asked my older child free cousins who were dynamite school teachers why they didn't have any kids of their own. My aunt said to me, some people just don't "feel" the need to be parents for many different reasons. I admitted that I didn't feel the need either and that another family member had said that not having children was selfish.

She laughed and said, that she heard that all the time. Then she went on to tell me, that sometimes when you know, you know and that I could possibly change my mind, but that I should never let anyone make me feel guilty for not having or wanting children because in the end, it's my decision.

Thanks to her, I felt like less of a freak and as I got older, it gave me the courage to stand up to those that tried to belittle me because of my non-urge.

This year my husband and I celebrate our 22nd year of extremely happy marriage. We chose not to have children because we didn't feel the need, urge, or even the ability to be decent parents. We knew that parenthood was not for us for a whole host of reasons, but the biggest reason and really the only reason, is we didn't want to. Yes it IS that simple.

We sat down and said, what would be our reasons for having them ? All the reasons we could come up with were selfish to us.
To have someone in our lives when we were older. To give my parent's grandchildren. To have someone to leave our stuff to when we die. To carry on the family gene/name/business. To have someone to love. Because we want to appear normal to society. In fact, other than adoption, we couldn't think of a single unselfish reason to actually HAVE biological children.

So we opted to follow our heart and do what we knew was best for us and that was not have them simply because we didn't want to.

Today we live a decent lifestyle. We are mortgage free and we get to travel a fair amount.

I resent those that tell us that we "chose" money and freedom over children. I'm very quick to point out that money & career had no bearing in our decision not to have children, but 20 years down the road I will admit that our current lifestyle is certainly a RESULT of having no children.

Yes there is a difference.

I fully support people no matter what their decision is when it comes to parenthood, but I will also vehemently defend the honour of those that do not feel the urge to provide this world with DNA offspring.

Just like cats or country music, parenthood is NOT for everyone, and yes it IS that simple.

louiseevaonthepath said...

You sound like a very thoughtful person. I hope you make the right decision for you. Just know that you career will not be the same if you decide to go through with having a child. You may not have the time/energy/money to invest in making your design career into what it might have been had you not had a child. Also be proud of yourself regardless of your decision.

louiseevaonthepath said...

Every decent mother and father have these constant thoughts and worries. You aren't alone.

Alison said...

I'm sixteen, and I know it sounds kind of funny seeing a teenager talking about parenthood, but I've always known that I'll never want to have kids. My biggest fear in life is being pregnant, and I have incredibly bad anxiety when it comes to just about everything! I don't think I wouldn't be able to sleep at night because I would worry if the baby could breathe, or that something terrible would happen in the middle of the night, etc. I also have four younger sisters all under the age of nine, so I've seen my mom be pregnant a few times and seen what it does to marriage for some. I've never really been totally into the idea of marriage either, but kids was always a much scarier thing. Of course so many marriages only get better after children, like my aunt and uncle's marriage is thriving after having two girls, but for my parents it was the opposite. I've told my family how having kids sounded very unappealing to me, but they all just laughed and said, 'yeah right. when you meet the right man and settle down, you'll have kids.' But I really don't see kids ever being in my future. I can see the whole appeal 100%, but just not for me.

Alison said...

Whoops when I said "I don't think I wouldn't be able to sleep" I meant I don't think I would! My bad, typo.

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murphtang said...

I have never wanted children. Since I was small (5 or 6) I have always said I will never have children. The idea of being pregnant, giving birth, being a mother--that's a nightmare to me. I have panic attacks thinking about these potential occurrences.

I cannot understand why people want children any more than you can understand why people don't want children. I mean, I don't dislike children, but I wouldn't want one in my house all the time. And it's hard to explain the deep feeling that I know people have who are on both sides, and how sure they are of this decision.

I wish people would take a little more time, however, to understand parenthood *can* be a wonderful thing, but *isn't* automatically a wonderful thing (if you don't want it and are coerced into it, for example :/)

Casey Scarbrough said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
elmaco said...

Who is to say a career isn't something "big"? I would say Mother Therea's career fits that bill.

Brandy Chance said...

Thank you! My feelings exactly. A person should want a child more than anything else, and have the means to raise that child, before giving birth. And, that is a selfish decision. It is not selfish to not want children, it's responsible for not bringing an unwanted child into the world.

Brandy Chance said...

Thank you! My feelings exactly. A person should want a child more than anything else, and have the means to raise that child, before giving birth. And, that is a selfish decision. It is not selfish to not want children, it's responsible for not bringing an unwanted child into the world.

Brandy Chance said...

Thank you! My feelings exactly. A person should want a child more than anything else, and have the means to raise that child, before giving birth. And, that is a selfish decision. It is not selfish to not want children, it's responsible for not bringing an unwanted child into the world.

Brandy Chance said...

Thank you! My feelings exactly. A person should want a child more than anything else, and have the means to raise that child, before giving birth. And, that is a selfish decision. It is not selfish to not want children, it's responsible for not bringing an unwanted child into the world.

Unknown said...

I've chosen to refrain from entering into a relationship and have children due to a lot of genetic defects in my family. It'll be sad and kind of tough getting by on my own, but it's for the best. I realize have to put the good of the many before my own desires.

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Wita said...

I don't usually read your blog (though I have heard about it) , but I googled "why don't I want to have kids" and I'm glad to have found this post. I feel like I'm demanded by society to come up with a valid reason, which I don't have, that I need to google it just in case I could find some answers.
We shouldn't have to explain why we don't want to have kids, just like we don't find out about someone getting pregnant and ask them why.

tenipurigrrl said...

I enjoyed reading this post and even though I found it by accident I will tell a few of my friends about it. Now as I read through some of the comments I got a bit angry at some of the previous comments are saying everyone feels they should have a child, your mind will change as you get older, it's selfish not to want to have a child. In my own opinion, I think it's very selfish to WANT to have a child. Now i'm only 17 so I haven't gone through the 'hormonal stage' of wanting a baby or even getting married. Its not important to me. Now I think it's selfish for people to want a baby just because you're in love with your spouse/partner/whatever type of relationship you're in. Just because you are in love you don't need a baby to show it. Or if you decided to have a baby in the house and can afford to have a child (that really is a big issue now a days) why shouldn't a couple think about adopting first. Many couples who want a child think of giving birth to the child before adoption, that's where people are selfish in my own opinion.
I myself don't plan on giving birth to children because i was told that they will most likely have a number of life threatening diseases. I also don't want to bring a child into this world. Our world isn't as nice as it once was and I dont want to live with myself knowing that i purposely brought a child into this chaos. I plan on waiting until my late thirties to late forties before i even adopt a child. This way i have a significant nest egg prepared and have lived a good portion of my life and will have more patience.

Myee Carlyle said...

I'm wondering if there are any women out there that wanted kids but chose not to because their partners didn't want them. I have recently broken up with my partner, he has two kids from a previous relationship and I have none. I love this man so much and want to be with him but the urge to want a child is very hard to resist. But, as I wonder as I get older if I chose not to have any and be with him if I would eventually feel differently... as I wouldn't REALLY know what I was missing.

His kids love me and I adore them, of course it's not the same as your own but they are there and they need love and support and I could be there for them and give the love I would have for my own child to him and his kids. Love to hear thoughts from anyone who's been down this road...

Myee Carlyle said...

I'm wondering if there are any women out there that wanted kids but chose not to because their partners didn't want them. I have recently broken up with my partner, he has two kids from a previous relationship and I have none. I love this man so much and want to be with him but the urge to want a child is very hard to resist. But, as I wonder as I get older if I chose not to have any and be with him if I would eventually feel differently... as I wouldn't REALLY know what I was missing.

His kids love me and I adore them, of course it's not the same as your own but they are there and they need love and support and I could be there for them and give the love I would have for my own child to him and his kids. Love to hear thoughts from anyone who's been down this road...

Myee Carlyle said...

I'm wondering if there are any women out there that wanted kids but chose not to because their partners didn't want them. I have recently broken up with my partner, he has two kids from a previous relationship and I have none. I love this man so much and want to be with him but the urge to want a child is very hard to resist. But, as I wonder as I get older if I chose not to have any and be with him if I would eventually feel differently... as I wouldn't REALLY know what I was missing.

His kids love me and I adore them, of course it's not the same as your own but they are there and they need love and support and I could be there for them and give the love I would have for my own child to him and his kids. Love to hear thoughts from anyone who's been down this road...

Myee Carlyle said...

I'm wondering if there are any women out there that wanted kids but chose not to because their partners didn't want them. I have recently broken up with my partner, he has two kids from a previous relationship and I have none. I love this man so much and want to be with him but the urge to want a child is very hard to resist. But, as I wonder as I get older if I chose not to have any and be with him if I would eventually feel differently... as I wouldn't REALLY know what I was missing.

His kids love me and I adore them, of course it's not the same as your own but they are there and they need love and support and I could be there for them and give the love I would have for my own child to him and his kids. Love to hear thoughts from anyone who's been down this road...

Ethan Cornell said...

There is so much suffering in life, is life a gift and a degift or only a curse? Who hasn't had been victimized yet? Hypocrites go around having kids out of selfishness and ignorance. Do you want to bury your kids or is it better that they grieve while the dead I pray feel nothing. Because we may be headed downstairs, nobody knows anything about life or death the definition for both change constantly. The Endless corruption from people in churches, politicians, to doctors, and even the food we consume. The problems are so massive it's hopeless. I have it better than others and have realized just how evil I am, I resent my parents for creating me a decade later these feelings haven't changed. Perhaps one day I will kill myself in a gruesome manner for the public to see as a means of more effective birth control. Stop having children we are only as capable of righteousness as our surroundings allow us and its only getting worse.

Ethan Cornell said...

Life seems to be a gift that gets taken away or a curse. Either way all life is doomed. I hope death is the same as never existing. Don't repeat your parent's mistakes by having children. Idiot's and the selfish have children. Life is a gamble so don't bet on it, suicide rates are through the roof and it's no wonder why.

Ethan Cornell said...

I'm not allowed to post my opinions? Life is suffering the end. I've got decades of it to back up my claims. Don't have kids. Please. Thank you.

Ethan Cornell said...

Having children is only about the woman's choice and what her friends say. It is not about what is good for the child, religion, politics, or what anyone else says if they disagree with you. Only do whatever you want whenever you want regardless of the consequences. It feels good and there are drugs to reduce the pain of pregnancy anyway. They say guilt is not a real emotion and you can ask for forgiveness for all the mistakes you will never make. You are always right. Just think positive. How else will you live forever? Compete to have the most children and as back ups in case anything happens to one of them. Plus more kids = more bragging rights. Doesn't welfare give money per child too?

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Kaylin said...

You sound just like me! I am 24 and have known at least since I was 15 (that is when I remember first stating it out loud) that I didn't want kids. My own cousin called me selfish for it! (Although I would like to point out she is 25 and still has no kids, so maybe she has reconsidered a bit) Being an only child I think my mom is a bit sad about it (and maybe thinks I will change my mind one day since she didn't have me until she was 35) but is mostly supportive with everything I do in my life, so this is no different.

I just feel no maternal urge whatsoever (for anything other than cats, anyway) and more than a few minutes with small children drives me up the freakin wall.

Kat said...

My reasons for not wanting a child (yet, possibly in the future if and when both I and my SO are ready for it) are in large part that at this point in my life I know I wouldn't make a good mother. It would be selfish and immature of me to give in to the biological drive to procreate without passing it through the rational filter first. You don't give a kid a puppy just because all their friends have one and they want one too. You give a kid a puppy when they want it AND are mature enough (and able) to take responsibility for its care.

Tripsters said...

I always knew, from about the age of 15, that I didn't want kids. When I got to about 35 I tortured myself because I realised time was running out - did I REALLY not want them? If I did I had better hurry up, I thought. I had been with my partner/married for quite a while and we were in the perfect situation to have one... then I thought about it and realised that if I had really wanted it, I would have done it without even hesitating... I really think, if it's a decision you need to scrutinise about, is it really for you? Now I'm nearly 41 and feel so great about my decision. I went to a funeral last week and it really reinforced how happy I am about not having kids. So many people say "Ooooo what are you going to do when you're old and you have no kids to look after you?". Yet who can be guaranteed of getting old at all, and in addition, why should your kids be there to look after you? Personally if I had kids I'd want them to be off having a great time, rather than looking after me. My life is so incredibly full without kids - I have travelled extensively and am planning for an early retirement in Thailand. But you know what? It really comes down to whatever floats your boat! People who want kids should go for it - surely it must be the most rewarding job in the world. But if you don't want them, I really can't see how it can be deemed "selfish". Comments like that are narrow minded in my opinion - what's more selfish is having kids when you don't really want them, and in turn not giving them what they deserve (and they deserve the world). Do you have them or not? Seek the answer in your heart - it's in there - and don't be afraid to follow it! :)

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englishcat2013 said...

I feel like the only way to describe my feelings on being undecided on whether or not to have children is to call it frustrating. What’s even more frustrating is that I’m 23 and single. I’m at an age and place in my life where I certainly don’t need to be thinking about having children - I have plenty of years ahead of me to decide that! And yet, in the last year, it’s a thought I continuously find myself returning to.

Where most people would use their incognito browsers to search for things like porn, I find myself looking up pictures of pregnant women and being both fascinated and terrified by the idea of having a child growing in me. I will read article after article on reasons for a woman to decide to go childfree and think to myself “Sure, that makes a lot of sense and I totally agree! Children are gross and needy, and who says I’d make a good parent at all? I like my career, and having a child could ruin that!”, while at the same time I’m on baby websites weighing the pros and cons of why Rosanna is a cute, classic name for a little girl and how I’d love to have a little girl and call her Rosie, or a little boy named Ben. And then it dawns on me, why do I feel the need to hide something like this? Most sane women who know they want children wouldn’t use incognito browsing to search for things like this, would they? And why can’t I just stop thinking about it until I’m older, more mature, and in a lasting relationship? It’s frustrating.

Sometimes I feel like it's a battle between my body and my brain. My brain knows I'm not ready for children yet, so it's trying to convince itself that it's childfree in an effort to calm my body's urges to start popping out kids...

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The Food Pig said...

I am 26 years old and lucky enough to live in a prosperous country. I am smart, educated, successful and single. And I don't want to have kids. Contrary to expectations, I had a normal childhood and I don't dislike children. I love being around kids and I adore my little nieces, nephews and cousins.

But I also have big plans for myself. I feel that if I had children, I would have to put my career on hold. Children are a lifetime financial commitment with risky returns. Economically speaking, I don't know why anyone has kids. I also don't want the changes that pregnancy will cause to my body. I like it the way it is.

If I ever have children, or my partner does, I will consider adoption. That way, I get to give a loving home to a child that needs it rather than bringing in yet another human into this overpopulated planet.

deborah said...



i am giving this testimony cos l am happy

My name is mrs. Santana Valdez from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in May 15th this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. Atakpo.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address atakpotemble@yahoo.com

Great Atakpo i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. Email Him Through his email address... atakpotemble@yahoo.com

please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay..

What a powerful man such as Dr Atakpo.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. atakpotemble@yahoo.com

Alvaro Lorey said...


Am MRS GRACE BENSON from free town my husband broke up with me last week and i tried deferent types of solutions including love doctors spell casters and nothing good came of out it so i was about to give up then i came across this temple on the internet so i said i should give it a try to my suprise the temple ask me of some information which i give and said it will cast some spell that in four day time my ex husband will be back with me that all i have to do is to wait till four days so i did and i started seeing result in the third day my ex started contacting me and in the forth day he finally came back to me right now am so happy and i thank God for coming across this temple the temple really help me to rescue my relationship i decided to share my experience cause i know it will help some other person wish you the best of luck to contact the temple here is it email address :drlawrencespelltemple@gmail.com
phone;+2348143988536

Katie Despain said...

What I love about this article and all the comments is the fact that so many women have taken the time to think about their decision to not have children. I live in a culture that it really is the expectation to have children. What's even more frustrating is the way motherhood is projected onto you. As a married woman if you are sick, tired, or moody, you must be pregnant. I'm not judging my friend who have started families, but I often wonder how much thought went into planning for the child. Deciding to have a baby has been the hardest decision for me. I know that I want kids, but when I think about it or discuss it with my husband, it never seems to feel 'right'. So I really hate when people try to guess or assume I'm pregnant. When we have a baby I want it to be because we thought about it and planned it out, because we want the child, not because we have a duty to society. I really appreciate the honesty that was shared here. My only hope is that whether you decide to have children or not, that some thought and consideration go into the decision. Not for others, but for yourself.
http://www.ruminatingroom.com/2013/05/no-baby-boom.html

Anonymous said...


Thanks to dr.marnish@yahoo.com for his wonderful work, My girlfriend left a week before our vacation to be with another man. I was desperate to get her back when I found dr.marnish. I tried 5 other people to do a spell to get her back and nothing worked. I was still alone. Then I found dr.marnish by accident. I don’t know how I found him, I don’t remember. But, when I first saw the good testimonies about his wonderful work and after reading the Testimonies, I decided I had to try and give it one last shot. After my spells, I got a text from my lover. And we started going back and forth by text, she asked to meet the next day. So we did, and that night we ended up sleeping together, and about a few days after we got back together. anyone who needs help, should email dr.marnish. He is the best.
Howard packer

greeneyes69 said...

I have never been fond of children. I think babies are wonderful for the first few months and I'm happy for my friends who have children but it's not for me. I don't have the patience or desire to raise children and I am very fortunate to have found a wonderful man who shares my desires and interests as well as not wanting children. I also feel part of a minority or like a 'freak' to not desire children and it's very welcoming to hear of other women who feel the same way.
I also have a high anxiety level but I also enjoy the freedom and joy of not having children. I can't see enjoyment in recitals or playing with dolls or children's parties. I'm an avid animal lover with five cats (yes I am the cat lady) and my biggest commitment will be a dog or two. I love my life with my husband and close friends, I don't want or need more. I shouldn't feel chastised for that or a need to explain it. I grew up in a small community where many started families straight out of high school so it was very uplifting when I moved to a larger city where other women shared the same outlook as I did.
I'm 27, a registered nurse and a newly wed. We love to travel, eat out, go to movies, stay up late and be with friends. I can relate to all five of these women and agree with many of their points.
What I think is really selfish is the desire to have children so you won't be lonely, so you have someone to care for you when you age or simply because you want too. People make you question whether you're ready for the commitment of a dog but it's expected for you to commit the 25+ years it takes to raise a child. It takes great strength to admit not wanting children in a society that expects it and I applaud these women. It's nice to not feel alone.

greeneyes69 said...

Thank you!

Alvaro Lorey said...

Hi My name is solita Kenny just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 4 years with 3 kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had a fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me cause i loved him with all my heart and didn't want to loose him but everything just didn't work out… he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster DR Lawrence, who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and cast a love spell on him. Within 3 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our fourth child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there needs it… You can email him on drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com

shellshell said...

I dont want kids altho I am an awesome aunt.ive never had that desire..sometimes I feel super guilty becuz I am adopted. My parents sacrafised alot to get me and my brother overseas..sometimes I feel I owe it to have kids. Owe it to who? God? My parents? Do I owe it to someone since my parents gave me such a gift. I am 35 and really struggling. My husband and I are fine with no kids..its this guilt and hope my parents put on me. Im so stressed. I cant find the words to tell them 'I dont want kids'..I so torn. Then sometimes im like , fuck it, fine ill have a kid and then I think id resent the kid-becuz I never wanted it in the first place. Any advice out there

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Priyanka Parvathi said...

I just feel nice to know there are many women out there who have consciously decided to be child free for whatever reasons....It helps to know you are not alone...

idgehaus said...

"I read all these stories, like Moms Unite! And I kind of want to be like, Women Unite! I feel like I’m part of a minority. Why can’t we all help each other and be nice to each other? You don’t always have to identify yourself with a group. You can just be a person." - so then you really mean "people unite" right?

Trying the Best I Can said...

I just turned 32 (today) & my husband is 33. We have been married for 7 years and trying for 5 months. Kids were always something I wanted & never something my husband wanted.

We talked periodically & after being around friends' kids (particularly close friends who have twin 8 year olds and a 6 year old-all girls), my husband became more and more comfortable with kids & I started to see us being able to be a family more easily.

We actively began trying in March 2013, ovulation kits and all.

Coincidentally, we had plans this past weekend to take the friends' kids, the 8 year old twins and their 6 year old sister, to an amusement park, and spend the night at the a nearby hotel to get everything in during those two days. It was a b-day present for the twins & it also gave the added benefit of giving our friends a weekend off, which they never have.

We have taken the girls for day trips before & there were trying moments, but we've spent weekends with them and their parents in the past (usually multiple times a summer) & we thought that we were up to it.

Going into it, my husband & I were so excited. We love spending time with the girls, and this would be so fun for us.

Some parts of the weekend went great, and the kids were (& always are) awesome. We spent too long in the park (of course), which led to the girls going to bed too late & getting too little sleep going into the 2nd day, but over all the first day went sooooo well.

Then the 2nd day, the girls were over tired and more whiney/irritable than usual but over all, really good.

My issue is that when they were have their moments of going crazy (ie. grabbing and hitting each other in the car, wrestling each other in the middle of a gift shop and not listening when I tried to warn them about leaning over a railing that led to a 30 foot quarry for fear of them drowning), I found myself yelling and getting genuinely mad at them.

It's funny, everyone jokes that being around them would let me know if we are ready for/want kids, but being around them has always and still does make me want kids. I woke up this morning missing them, but I am just overwhelmingly sad that I don't think I will be a good mother based on this weekend and am considering talking to my husbant about halting our baby making plan.

My mother left when I was 1.5, and I was raised by my grandmother and my aunt who was only 15 years older than me. There were times when she was abusive, and I never want to have a temper or be like that. I did not want to hit the girls, but feeling angry at them made me scared.

The girls seemed to be upset that I'd yelled, when I yelled at them, but they still said they had a great weekend and did not want to leave.

I just don't want to be that mom who is always yelling and freaking out. I want my kids to feel safe and happy with me. I want to be like the girls' parents whose lives revolve around their kids, and they treat every moment like it was their gift.

Mostly, I don't want to be a bad mom, because I don't want to let my kids down. I strongly believe that if you are going to be a mom, you have to do everything you can to be the best mom you can be. Your kids deserve it, and you are the only mom they will ever have.

I always knew that when/if we had kids, I would be the disciplinarian. My husband has little to no ability to get mad, and he has endless patience with the girls. I know he was looking forward to this weekend as much as I was, and I know he had a great time. He even told the girls multiple times, "When we come back next time".

However, it all makes me think that maybe we are meant to just be the aunt and uncle. I think that if I told my husband that I genuinely don't want to have kids anymore, he would be okay with it. After all, he only agreed to it for me.

I am just at a loss. Does anyone else feel this way? What should I do???

Ava Collopy said...

I LOVE this article. I've definitely been pressured by several women throughout my life, some who barely knew me, to have kids (never men though, who respected that it was my decision, more proof that it’s often women that oppress women). I'd tell them I've never wanted kids and they'd say, almost in a threatening or attacking way, that I'd change my mind, didn't know what I wanted yet, would have to have them, and other misogynistic things.

Why isn't equal pressure put on women to get college degrees? Even stay at home moms would be aided immensely—made better teachers and homework helpers for example—by having an education, and would have it to fall back on if their partner were to die.

There’s no reason why some women should feel a need to insult or attack women who don’t want to have kids or treat us like you think you have a right to judge us and act like there’s something wrong with us because we don’t want kids. Neither side should get insulted or attacked; insults could fly equally both ways but why start that? There isn’t something wrong with those of us that don’t feel a maternal call. Some of us feel an intellectual or athletic or adventurous or other call and there’s nothing wrong with that. Also, it doesn’t mean we’re not true grown-ups. There are many ways to be a grown-up; buy a car or house, organize a charitable fundraiser for a cancer patient, adopt shelter dogs and care for them, etc. Britney Spears and Bristol Palin are mothers and I certainly wouldn’t consider them adults. People who are happy with their own decisions in life don’t attack people who’ve made different decisions—the decisions that are right for them in their own lives.

I don't see any reason why we shouldn't respect every human being's choice to have or not have children (as long as they’ll care and provide for any children they choose to have). I had one wonderful uncle who never had kids and was great with all his nieces and nephews. People who don't have kids are family too and may feel strong familial connections and make other contributions to the family and society, such as through volunteer work or paying the taxes that pay for those with kids to have public schools and other services for their kids.

It’s sad that some people still feel the need, maybe because they aren’t happy with their own life choices, to say it’s psychologically unhealthy for any woman to not want to have kids or act like there’s something wrong with any woman who isn’t maternal. Not all women are motherly or martyrs or Mother Mary and that doesn’t make us bad people. How about respect for each person’s individual wants? Also, there are many people who just have kids to get on welfare and other bad reasons—being a parent isn’t in itself a sign of selflessness. Some parents are incredibly selfish; some really only have kids so someone will take care of them when they’re old, rather than that they have things to give to their children. And those of us who’ve decided against kids for life may do volunteer work, give blood, etc. and may have the time to do so that parents don’t. We’re contributing tax-paying members of society too. And our taxes pay for the tax breaks that those with kids get—how about a little appreciation for that?

Above all else everyone really should think over all the big, important decisions in life like education, to have or not have a family, buying a house or renting, etc. Parenting is the hardest and most important job in the world and no one would think you should just mindlessly jump into any other critically important job. That said, it’s refreshing to see so many people here did give real thought to having kids instead of just doing it because it’s there, and that some people do respect that it’s each person’s own decision and no one is a bad person, bad woman, or not a real adult if they don’t have kids.


--Ava Collopy, author, dreamscaperealities.weebly.com

IMONG ILLUMINATI TEMPLE said...

I contacted priest gbenga at his website(www.priestgbengamagichome.webs.com) and he was eager to help me right away with my requests. He was very reliable always called and emailed throughout the process. He even gave me extra protection that I will always prosper. Thank you priest gbenga

Judith Salyer said...

From the time I was a kid, even though I was supplied with all the baby dolls and playhouses a girl could want, I yearned for the outdoors and to be on a horse off to grand adventures. I babysat ONCE and that experience completely cemented the fact that I never wanted kids of my own. Now fast forward, after one bad marriage that ended in divorce, I remarried a man with kids and they were pretty young. I had a GREAT time being the STEP Mom! But since they were never with us more than a few days at a time I got my "maternal stuff" out and was completely satisfied with that. I will be the same with my step grandchildren....love em' but will gladly hand them back at days end. So I feel like I kind of got the Kittybird seat here. I have had the life I always dreamed of, had my career and had some kids to hang out with. But I have NEVER regretted not having my own children. NEVER.

Emma Emery said...

I completly understand and have the same feelings. Its nice to know that im not alone even if i am in the UK. I feel very similar to Jean, 31, Portland however i find it even harder as my partner has kids but i dont. We couldnt afford kids if we did want them as he has another mortgage and a lot of his money covers his half of the mortgage which houses his kids and ex wife. This can be frustrating sometimes as i have never had a partner with children before. in the future i may look to foster as i stll like to care for something or someone but just dont feel the need to create a human being myself. People do struggle with this but more and more people are choosing not to have children so society is changing its opinion on people like me.

mer ci said...

I don't want children because living is so overrated.

I would rather be 'not alive' myself. I am not suicidal, don't get me wrong. But I don't think I am really missing out anything if I wasn't alive now. I would actually prefer not to exist, not to experience this so called 'life.'

Because I feel this way about my existence, it wouldn't feel right if I bring more beings in this world. What is so fascinating about being alive anyway?

Sandra Chali said...

When I married my husband I was already pregnant and so I didn't have a job. He had a really good job though so I was able to stay home and take care of our son when it was born. When we had our second child we moved to a bigger house, but then strange things started to happen. Things would fly off the walls and doors would slam at night. Our oldest son talked about seeing figures and hearing voices. We consulted a medium and they said the house was haunted. After living there about a year more with only minor occurrences we moved out. That was when the bad luck started to happen. Everything started to fail, with my husband's job, our money and our luck in general. I went back to the same medium and they told me that a spirit had followed me and placed a curse upon me for disturbing it and not being respectful in the previous house. He tried to remove it but was unable. The misfortune kept going on and getting more severe as I tried to search out someone to break the curse. But when I found Dr.Azonto spell he finally did it. Things started turning around almost immediately after he cast the spell and have been great from there! This was really a miracle for us, thank you . azontotemple@yahoo.com spell from the bottom of my heart!
Posted by. miss Sandra Chali

Sandra Chali said...

When I married my husband I was already pregnant and so I didn't have a job. He had a really good job though so I was able to stay home and take care of our son when it was born. When we had our second child we moved to a bigger house, but then strange things started to happen. Things would fly off the walls and doors would slam at night. Our oldest son talked about seeing figures and hearing voices. We consulted a medium and they said the house was haunted. After living there about a year more with only minor occurrences we moved out. That was when the bad luck started to happen. Everything started to fail, with my husband's job, our money and our luck in general. I went back to the same medium and they told me that a spirit had followed me and placed a curse upon me for disturbing it and not being respectful in the previous house. He tried to remove it but was unable. The misfortune kept going on and getting more severe as I tried to search out someone to break the curse. But when I found Dr.Azonto spell he finally did it. Things started turning around almost immediately after he cast the spell and have been great from there! This was really a miracle for us, thank you . azontotemple@yahoo.com spell from the bottom of my heart!
Posted by. miss Sandra Chali

Shantae Moseley said...

Tae 36, MI
I had my 1st baby at 26 & due to the fact i had horrible doctors (they didnt NOT want to give me a c-section due to my weight even tho i needed one) my son was born with Cerbal Palsy he died at 11 months and for eight years after his death i did not want to have kids but for the past 2yrs i have been wanting a child again i feel almost desperate to have at least one but i still remember that feeling of being someones mother one day and waking up the next day and having all the things you need for a baby and no baby so i often contemplate having four or five but IDK if at 36 that is an option and if i really want that many kids!

Brielle Foster said...

Enjoy the film but have been recommended to try the book which is apparently much better :)
50 shades of grey movie
Really after reading book its all visible after that movie...would be rocking...

Brielle Foster said...

Enjoy the film but have been recommended to try the book which is apparently much better :)
50 shades of grey movie
Really after reading book its all visible after that movie...would be rocking...

SabrinaSides said...

I really appreciate all of the insight and comments. I am currently 28, and considering a childfree life. I identified with the story shared about "not having a maternal calling."

What I really appreciate most is hearing women who are mothers say that they think it is okay to not have children. I have a very judgmental sister that spews hateful comments towards women that don't want children. I have nothing but utmost respect for those that choose to procreate, and wish that I received some respect for my decision as well.

It is not out of selfish reasons. I knew at 16 that having children was not for me. I just simply do not feel a desire. The desire that other women have to procreate is simply absent in me. I often thought something was wrong with me. I don't think it is an easy path to take either. I feel like there is a lot of judgment and stigma attached to this path. I am coming to accept it though, because this is my life that I am living, and these are my choices to make.

Much love to all the kind comments from mothers and support from other childfree commenters.

SANDRA said...

MY NAME IS Rose Cliton i am from UK and i am a married woman with an husband a some lovely kids and i am a successful worker a my company were i work and i am here to share a good work for a great spell caster of help in my time of needs and he is these Dr osobaspelltemple@yahoo.com is a man who treat everyone like their is own children and he his so understanding and kind,and not at all a SCAM!and i had some problems with my husband and he left me and my kids and left with nothing and i cried all day and i was a woman who never believe in anything spell caster because i used to hear different story about them and their SCAM activities and i was so badly hurt by my husband and one day in my office i was crying the problems affected me at my place of work and a very good friend of me,walk into my office and meant me crying and ask why i explained everything to her and she laugh and ask why are you laughing she said she have also been through that same problem by her husband and she introduce me to a spell caster name Dr (osobaspelltemple@yahoo.com)and after everything he ask me to do i have did then,o my greatest surprise three days later my husband was out side my house crying for forgiveness to take him back,we are now stronger than ever before,we are now strong family and i thank this kind man this his contact email.osobaspelltemple@yahoo.com

MICHELLE ALEHANDRO said...


Hi my name is Michell am from Australia with this tears joy and happiness in my heart i want to say thanks to this great man DR ABULU of abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com for what him has done for me , This is my story i was 24 years old when i married my husband and we were both living together happily no fighting . but i was not comfortable with this married because after 4 years of our married i have not be able to give my husband a child doctors reveal we are capable of bearing children but we have no child to call ourchild so i was worry thinking of what to do so i can be able to give birth. inside all my thinking for a solution for my problems my husbands families came and they accuse me for been a barring women so i have to leave their son alone so i was been push out of my husband house so i went crying looking for a solution to my problems because i love my husband very much and don’t want to loose to another woman so all my mind think is him so i cry all nite to get back with him . one Friday evening when browsing i came across a testimony shared by miss Viviana how this DR ABULU helped her solved a similar problems so i decided to contact this man about my own problems and to my best surprise he also help me out and to day am happy not only because am with the man i loved but still because of i now have a child of my own .so for all this help from you DR ABULU of abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com i want to say thank you once again so friends if you know you are
into such or any kind of problem contact this man and i guess he will also help you out good bye

JOYCE said...

Santana Valdez Says

i am giving this testimony cos l am happy

My name is mrs. Santana Valdez from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in June 28th 2013 this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. Atakpo.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address atakpotemble@yahoo.com
Great Atakpo i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. Email Him Through his email address... atakpotemble@yahoo.com please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay.. What a powerful man such as Dr Atakpo.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. atakpotemble@yahoo.com




beckiedubai said...

Hello.
My name is Cassie from USA, My life is back!!! After 8 years in marriage, my husband left me with 3kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted you and after I explained you my problem. In just 3 days, my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before you are the best spell caster Dr Ojuku i really appreciate the love spell you castes for me to get the man i ever loved back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work Thank you once again Dr Ojuku, in case you are.in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is drojukuspellhome@gmail.com, All thanks to Dr Ojuku regard.
Good Luck.

CARDENAS NAIDA said...

My name is Mr Cardenas,my wife was having affair with a senior secretary in her office. I love this woman so much that i would not want to share her with any body. i told her to retire from the job and i would take care of all her needs but she would take it because she is been embraced by everybody in her office, this normally leads to quarrel every-time. i tried all i can to please her and she will promise to be good , some days later she will turn back to her normal way.
i was nearly loosing out, i could not focus in my job, my whole life was full of sorrow and i was thinking i should kill the other man my self and put an end to all this until i saw a testimony from a blog on how DR EDIONWE could cast a love spell to bring lovers back no matter what is behind the disappointment. so i decided to write him via email. edionwesolutiontemple@yahoo.com and now all my wishes are exactly as i wanted. She told me everything that has happened secretly in the past and i forgave her as DR EDIONWE instructed me to and she loves me and care for me as i ever wanted. i know there are many spells that do not work but i want to assure all you out there no matter what you have been trough to have faith and believe that this is the final solution to your problem.
Even if my job is taking most of my time, the little free time i have , i will share the good news to everyone in the world because i know that with love brings happiness and hope for a long life.

Guest said...

This is a testimony that i will tell every one to hear. i have been married for 10years and on the 8th year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until came across a website were i meant a comment on how this man Dr. Stanley helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my Husband back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 3day as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you having similar problem to met with this man and have your lover back to your self. His email address: drstanleyspelltemple@hotmail.com, he is a good man.......Nancy

anon said...

I can’t thank you enough Email: ekakaspelltemple@yahoo.com for all that you have done for me. About a year ago I my partner split up, we had both made BIG mistakes in our relationship. He ended up moving away from me to pursue a new life. I knew in my heart that he would be the only one to make me happy. I was relieved when I found your site and what you had to offer. I requested 3 to 4 day casting of the reunite us love spell and within 4days Greg’s company had relocated him back to our hometown where I still lived. We immediately reconnected and move in with each other. Expect to see your invite in the mail!

Lauritz said...

I didn't read through all the comments, but what everyone seems to completely ignore, is the potential child's good.

I don't want kids. I've never wanted kids. I'll never want kids. This is an established fact. People tell me I'll want them some day, that I'll change my mind. I won't.

Now say I did - by some unfortunate accident - have a baby. How would that child's life be, with a mother who'd rather be somewhere else, doing something else? A mother who regrets the child?
How is it selfish, to not want children, when - if you did have children, you'd probably do a shit job, and completely ruin them?
I mean, I've killed cacti. I've killed all kinds of plants. When I was looking after my parents' dog I forgot to feed it for a whole day. I'd be a terrible mother, even if I'm great with kids.

Guest said...

I am glad to let you all know that this spell caster has the power to bring lovers back because I am now happy with my ex husband. You can contact him for help and get your problem solved. His email is: drstanleyspelltemple@hotmail.com.........Fiona

Jessica said...

I went through the same thing as you, @Martina. I assumed it was just what people DO after marriage and establishing a career. Then I realized I have a choice, and now I'm not so sure what I want. I love my life with my husband and our dog. I love doing grown-up things, and I have no desire to spend my weekends driving a kid to soccer practice. At the same time, I'm so afraid that I'll reach the end of my life and regret not doing it. My parents try to be understanding of my husband's and my indecision, but at the end of the day their argument is that children bring joy into your life, and why wouldn't you want that kind of joy? It's pretty dismissive of them, actually.
So I will continue to struggle and go back and forth with this decision...

Jessica said...

And if you end up with a child who has a disability that requires life-long care? Or, as a few commenters have said before, you have a family history of mental illness or other genetic conditions that wouldn't be the kindest to pass on to another human being? How about if you can't financially support a child? I respectfully disagree with your opinion that "most of the reasons are immaturity."

crystal wilson said...


I was crushed when my lover of three years left to be with another woman. I
cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I reached out to the
Internet for help.And i saw a testimony of a spell caster who help a girl
called michelle and i said let me give it a try so i contact him for help
and he cast a love spell for me which i use in getting my love back and now
i am a happy woman.For what you have done for me,i will not stop to share
your goodness to people out there for the good work you are doing.I hope
God blesses you as much as you have help me to get my Love back,visit him
on oriomonspiritualtemple@yahoo.com is the only answer to your problemS
EMILIANO BABARAH_USA

crystal wilson said...




am very happy to tell every one to hear my name is Miss mary. i have been
married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had
to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we
have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man Dr. OKUKU have
helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover
back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my
husband and after 48hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the
house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and
that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this
man and have your lover back to your self. You can contact him with this
mail: okukuspelltemple@gmail.com

prinsca Martin said...


Mr DANIEL ROTH

I got married in 2009 and since then we had no children. Due to this and several other reasons, me and my spouse were always quarreling and fighting and I was regretting seriously ever getting into that marriage. I believed that something spiritual was affecting my marriage and I later confirm with the belief that a spiritual husband was involved somewhere. By this time, my marriage was on the verge of collapse. But when I say a testimony about one D.RRIVERSHEBALIST spell caster on the internet so he told me the problem is over after the spell have be cast, my understanding / mindset started changing, especially when I got the reading and the casting was completed : Spiritual Warfare, Back to Sender ;revolutionized my mindset and whole - being. I then called my wife and reconciled with her. I taught her what I learnt from the spell caster D.RRIVERSHEBALIST and your messages and now the result is a happy marriage. There is now peace in my home and my business has been revived. My wife is finally pregnant and we are expecting our first baby with joy.HELP ME To THANK D.RRIVERSHEBALIST for the joy and happiness he brought to my life.contact him via:d.rrivershebalisthome@gmail.com

dr,koko said...


I want to testify about how DR.kokotemple bring back my husband who left home for two years to south Africa for a tourist, where he meet another woman and he was bewitch by the lady,my husband refuse to come back home again,i cry day and night looking for who to help me,i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called DR.kokotemple and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods well fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did has he said 3 days after my husband com home and he was crying beging me am sorry. am so happy me and my are back for good. Thanks be to dr.kokotemple In case u nead a good spellcaster u can contact him on this email address dr.kokotemple@gmail.com posted by miss Pamela

Esango Shrine said...

Thank you so much! I'm telling all my family and friends, your magic power is truly a blessing. thanks to Priest Gbenga for making my dreams come true! please if you need your ex back or you want to be rich, i will advice you contact priest Gbenga! you will be glad you did. you can contact him on his or email. website.http://priestgbengamagichome.webs.com/email.priest_gbenga.magic_temple@priest.com

DENIE kristy said...

i am really short of words, can't finally believe i got my boyfriend back this is my testimony about the man that brought back my man. Priest Andrew, he gave me the heart and confident to trust in him within the period of 4days, and right now me and my boyfriend are living happily and getting very ready and set for our wedding, i am so much happy knowing full well there are real, true spell casters who can really make things happen within the shortest possible time. for help you can reach him on priestandrew91@yahoo.com

harry white said...

Hello everyone in this forum, My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted A spell caster called Dr Laco I explained all my problem to him . In just 3 days, my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before you are the best spell caster Dr laco i really appreciate the love spell you castes for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work Thank you once again. you may contact him via (lacopowerfulspellcaster@yahoo.com).incase you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is (lacopowerfulspellcaster@yahoo.com)

dr,koko said...


sarah
My name is sarah and my ex-boyfriend dumped me 8 months ago after I caught him of having an affair with someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don't know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help and I saw a testimony on how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problems to him..... he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my peter came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Moko spell caster, you are truly talented and gifted contact his email:dr.kokotemple@gmail.com

DENIE kristy said...

MY HUSBAND BROKE UP 2 YEARS AGO BECAUSE I WAS NOT ABLE TO GIVE HIM A CHILD, I MISSED HIM SO MUCH. SO I DECIDED TO CONTACT (drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com) HE TOLD ME HE CAN HELP AND FOR ME TO SIT BACK, SO I DID THINKING THAT YEAH RIGHT THIS GUY WOULD NEVER CONTACT ME 4 DAYS LATER GUESS WHO CALLED ? YUP IT WAS HIM ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS THAT I THANK YOU DR.LAWRENCE FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART..if you have similar problem with me contact the great Spell caster Dr.Lawrence (drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com

M said...

Thank you for this article. I wish more people took the time to think parenthood through.

It's definitely a battle to explain to friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, etc. why I don't want children. 99% of them do not understand. Some even ask "then why get married?" Some simply say "that's not an option. You must have kids." And of course, the "you'll regret it" line.

Parenthood isn't for everyone. I wish people would accept us for being childless by choice. It's better that we're honest with ourselves than to have children because everyone expects it, then be miserable... not to mention how messed up the kid will be.

Bianca Thomas said...

Thank you for such an honest post. I too sit very much on the fence at age 34. It's not a comfortable place to be - and this is where sharing honest opinion helps a great deal.
Society has changed a great deal for humans over the last 50 years and we have so much choice now. I can't answer the question - why do I want kids? and the instinct isn't strong enough. I hope that will change but until it does I shall stay nurturing my 14 year old labrador!

Muhammad Akbar said...

Beautyful and handsome in photo and interesting post :)


Informasi Lowongan Kerja CPNS (CPNS n Loker)

PediatricRN81 said...

I have wanted a child ever since high school. I have recurring dreams about a daughter and going into labor. I want to watch my little one grow, hit mile stones, and experience the world. Besides having 3 separate fertility problems, I may never have kids. Im 32. Married. But I also deal with depression and have attempted suicide in the past because I had been grieving so strongly. I'm now considering not having kids (though it breaks my heart) because if I ever lost my child, I would fall apart completely, and I worry I would never move forward in life, hurting my husband even further. I know myself so well, I would want to die if my child did. My mom lost her twin sister at 33 very unexpectedly to a heart attack. I have since watched my mom in the 23 years since move forward, even having another child. Her mom, my grandma, lost her child (my mom's twin) in her 50's. She went on to live 20 years of a fulfilling life. But I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with my child's death. Why the obsession with death? I have had so many deaths in my life. Very unexpected. Besides grandparents, there was my Aunt when I was 9, a friend at 11, my history teacher at 14, my classmate I had a crush on at 17, my teammate at 25, my neighbor growing up who I always had a crush on (only 33 from lung cancer, did not smoke) just last year when I was 31. On between those last few, 2 grandparents who should have lived longer lives if it weren't for diabetes. My mom had 6 miscarriages mid pregnancy, and Jennifer, still birth at 8 months. I worry enough every day about my husband's safety. He was held at gunpoint last year, and he refuses to wear a seatbelt. I dream all the time about my younger brother and sister and that they are in danger and I'm trying to save them and I wake up sobbing. I simply could not bear losing a child or seeing him/her go through something like a severe illness. Or get my depression genes, or my chronic pain condition, or infertillity issues to battle and struggle to have a child.

Adelina said...

Thank you so much for sharing these responses! I'm only 22 and just graduated from college last year, but I've had reservations for a while about social traditions like having kids, marriage, weddings, changing last names, etc. and these are increasingly frequent topics of conversation lately with family and friends. I always get a shocked "what!?" when they find out I don't want to do any of the above, even though I'm in a serious relationship, and it's frustrating I have to justify why I DON'T want to do something when it makes more sense that everyone else should have to justify why they actively WANT to do something. The question should be "why?" rather than "why not?" especially given the serious financial burdens that having a child or throwing a wedding can incur. I loved reading the different perspectives and responses from all the women you interviewed. I'm glad to see the tide is turning and hopefully in a few more years, women who choose not to have children won't be villified as heartless or selfish.

Selina Jack said...

Hello to all my Name is Selina from United States of America , I do hope my post gets read and hopefully helps somebody along the line. i will never forget the help the priest of JAYEMA temple render to me in my marital life. i have been married for 4 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how the priest of JAYEMA temple help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of priest JAYEMA i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self i did after 30 minus he called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 48 hours. he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their JAYEMA home anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give priest JAYEMA a try they work surprises because i know they will also bring back your husband. contact him via jayemamagictemple@gmail.com you can still visit his web site http://jayemamagictemple.webs.com/ or Tel; +(234)-706819-3499. sure he will help you get the problem solved okay.

kefee said...

I am Mrs Teriza from USA, i want to share a testimony of my life to all my viewers in the world i was married to my husband his name is Williams Jack, i love him so much we have been married for three years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to London he meant a lady called Mary he was behaving some how i don't understand any more?, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don’t know what to do until I met my friend miss Lina and told me about drakugbe who also help her to bring his husband back when she was the same condition like that .then she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr akugbe who cast a spell on her that make my ex run back to her and he bring him back to me after two days. Miss Lina ask me to contact Dr akugbe I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by two that days time he will re-unite he meet me before he will have rest and my husband together. After two day my husband called and told me he is coming back to me , I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me are apart from that i also control my husband now and my husband love me never before, you can contact him for your on help Dr akugbe on any problem in this world, he is very nice man, here is his contact drakugbespellhome@gmail.com He is the best spell caster in the world you cantact him for your own help now

vera balogun said...

*After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with
me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I
wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him
with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to
someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that
could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don't
believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster
called Dr BALAYA and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that
everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me
before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it
was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call
and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that
he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and
went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since
then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship
problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the
only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and
who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the
help of the spell caster, his email: doctorbalaya@gmail.com
http://doctorbalaya.wordpress.com

lb said...

I'm 51, been married for almost 30 years, and we have no kids. We're super happy! Each of us completed grad school, which was the big dream for us; we both have doctorates in our fields. There hasn't been any point where we felt like something was "missing;" we enjoy being a child-free family. We *have* found that as we've aged, many of our friends have dropped away as they've had kids and become absorbed in parenting. Some friends have just drifted off; with others, there was a very pronounced sense of "You don't belong to our club!" I think some people with kids feel uneasy, for some reason, socializing with child-free families. Our closest friends have always been same-sex couples, with whom we find we have much in common; those are the "couples friends" who we can count on to be there for us, who understand everything, no explanations needed.

Meg said...

I am now in my mid-40s and I have honestly spent no more than 5 minutes regretting my decision not to have children. I love my career and my volunteer work and most of all my husband. I love traveling and my friends and my pets and quiet Saturdays. I think I would have been a happy parent, but I know I am happy with this wonderful life. I am so grateful we live in a time and place where women have so many good choices.

mr d rapist said...

my name is vicky from uk since the past 8yrs i have
been doing a business which i wanted to florish, at
a paticular time i was making profit from but at a
at time i also loss more, my business was trumbling
because i wanted more i went to the bank to get a loan
200,000 dollars which i invested on my business 2weeks
later robbers bust in my store and they took almost
everything i have. and they burnt some part of the
store that was 10,jan,2014 a partner called me that
my store has been set ablaze at first i thought it's
was a joke i decided to go work when i got there seeing
my store burning so i just fainted since then past how
many months i have been suffering MY STORE WAS LOCK DOWN
AND I WAS NOW IN DEPT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO BECAUSE OF
THAT I GOT B.P EVERYDAY CRYING AND THINK this sep 14,2014
i was about to chat on facebook to my friend to help for some
job to gather some money so i can pay the bank. behold just
as i was browsing network wasn't responding and i was redirected
so voy-forum there i saw a comment posted by wallace how he face
was about to get a loan online and get scammed that it was a man
he saw helped him recover all his dept i scroll down i saw his mail
and number. sunlightspell@gmail.com i contacted behold it was a female
and i explain everything to her with tears,she just told me calm down
and wipe your tears because if you obey you are paying all your dept in
12hrs of time, i said how, she told me told some money for items and i
have no money and i went to borrow from my pals, i send it to her 2hrs
later she mail me and told me send me your address i did and she tell me
that someone is coming to me i said how she told me to go out of my house
and i did i was going out from my house and was going i did not seeing any
body just as i was about going home i met a man like a mad person he said
help me please i never wanted but my mind told me help and just as i was
about to carry his load for him he disappeared and i was afraid i ran on my
way running i heard a voice saying STOP RUNNING AND GET BACK TO TAKE YOUR
REQUEST so i went though i was still very afraid i opened the bag behold
brethren i was loaded with money dollars i screamed!!! i quickly run home
i hide myself that day i couldn't do anything because many things was coming
my mind. the next day i want to the bank with the money i paid the bank i was
still having up to 600,0000 dollars i opened another big store my store is the most
biggest in our community in uk and i was still having a big money left which i save
in the bank. and today i am a rich woman and my childre shall never suffer again.
i want to tell you deptor a secret land of herbs is where you should go to recover all
what you've lost yes she will request for money but it is to do your needs and do it
perfectly she never lied great land of herbs i thank you very much for my life you've
indeed save my life. so readers if your have any problems at all don't let this time
of your opportunity pass you by. contact sunlightspell@gmail.com or call +2347056105308
she is a goddess sent to save life so don't doubt her because her charms is no prediction
once again i thank you priestess of life..

xxcherrypoopxx said...

I chose to have one (she was an oops when I was 19) at 23, I chose to have a tubal ligation. I love my daughter, but I could never go through having a baby again. Emotionally, I'd lose it. I also am not willing to sacrifice my body again. I couldn't chance my boobs looking even worse or more stretch marks. The changes my body made has made me extremely hateful towards myself and I have an eating disorder as well as have self injured because I hate my body and am ashamed. I feel like a nasty, used up old hag at 28. I love my daughter very much, but I will never go through that again.

MARCUS SIDOTI-MCNARY said...

I so love this post. I can't imagine a life with children. I have been able to spend weekends helping the homeless and spent long periods of my life working in African countries setting up schools. I crossed the Alps on my bike and travelled 6000 miles across Japan and South east Asia to raise money for the schools. I have lived in Italy also and learnt the language and had my feet set on every continent in the world. If I had had children like I nearly did in my 20s I would never had done any of these things. Currently doing an MA alongside my wife on social psychology and hoping to become an aid worker. i'm also deliriously happy with my wife and love her dearly and respect her for not caving in to social pressure to have children-she very independently minded. For us it was the right decision but good luck to those who felt a different calling...diffrent strokes I guess

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