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Monday, January 14, 2013

Motherhood Mondays: When pregnant, would you find out the sex of your baby, or keep it a surprise?

After much debate, I think we're going to...

...wait to find out the sex of the new baby.

When I was pregnant with Toby, everything was hard to wrap our heads around, so we wanted to find out the gender to make it feel more real. And it worked: Once we found out that we were expecting a baby boy, we could easily envision holding him in our arms and reading him stories and dressing him in engineer overalls. Plus, we could choose boyish nursery decor and clothes and toys before he arrived.

But with this second pregnancy, everything already feels very real, and it's easy to imagine holding a wriggly baby in our arms. And how amazing to have that crazy surprise at the end of a long labor, when the doctor or your partner calls out "It's a ____!" It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it! Since this will (most likely) be our last baby, I'd love to see what that moment would feel like.

(The only catch is, I might not have the willpower to wait! At our next doctor's appointment in two weeks, she'll be able to see the gender, and I cannot imagine telling her to stay mum.)

What would (or did) you do? If you found out, were you glad you did? If you waited, was that climactic moment amazing? I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts. And take this poll, if you'd like... :)


P.S. Would you have a gender reveal party? Plus, talking to girls and having a boy.

(Top photo when Toby was a mere ten days old)

376 comments:

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nic108 said...

I'm 36 weeks pregnant with our first babe and after much debate we decided to find out but keep it between the two of us until the baby shower. Where we surprised everyone with and told them we were having a baby girl. No one saw it coming. We had everyone convinced we were waiting until the birth.

At the shower we played the “Daddy knows best game” . It was a series of 5 questions Desmond answered about me and the pregnancy. I would read the questions aloud, we’d have the crowd call out their guesses, then Des would give his answer. The final question was “What is mommy looking forward to the most?” After the crowd called out their answers, Des answered with, “Holding our baby girl.”

And the room exploded.

Shrieks and cheers of 80 women filled the room. It was such an amazing feeling. I loved being able to bring that much happiness to people in one felt swoop. The energy and excitement that fused the air was far more than we had expected, and solidified our decision to find out the gender.

It was so nice to avoid all of the cheesy pink and animal print clothes. We'll probably let it be a surprise the next time around.

Tara said...

I think it is just as much of a surprise to find out the gender at 20 weeks as it is at 40 weeks. I'm currently 32 weeks with my first (a girl!) and I've really enjoyed being able to bond with my daughter. Also, we have a family name picked out and so all of our friends and family ask about our little one by name...now we are all just waiting to see what she is like when she is born. I like that everyone is already bonding with our little girl. That said, I would also be able to wait to find out the gender and might try that the next go 'round.

RBV said...

I'm not sure anyone reads the comments all the way down here but I do not want to know the gender of my baby before. I just feel once the gender is known, the pink dresses or blue football onesies start pouring in! It may be my hippie roots talking, but I'd like to try and let my kid come into an environment where he or she can ultimately feel comfortable choosing what ever he/she likes. Not that a baby is going to be making decisions but, you know, for the future.

Elizacb said...

My sister-in-law is an absolute fabulous human being but is also one of the most neurotic, high strung people I have ever met, but as soon as she found out she was pregnant with my nephew they announced they were not going to find out what the gender was. They did the same thing for my niece recently. It blows my mind! I don't think we could not find out - I doubt my husband will mellow like my sister-in-law did while she was pregnant and I'm really impatient. As my husband likes to say "Claire like things now."

Carleigh said...

We waited to find out for our first baby who is now 17 months old. It was THE BEST SURPRISE EVER! Everyone had guessed I was having a boy from how I was carrying. So when our little GIRL arrived we were really surprised and so happy that we waited to find out till that moment. I would highly recommend waiting. A few other thoughts on the topic...We have a small house and really wanted to keep baby stuff to a minimum and not knowing the gender really helped with that and now I have gender neutral newborn stuff for baby #2! Also, it did give me a little extra motivation during labor. All around a great decision for us!

Lauren said...

I have three children...did not find out on the first two, but did on the last one. After experiencing it both ways i have to say DON'T find out! I found the surprise during delivery to be so much more exciting. That being said, I'm not much of a planner regarding having nursery a specific decor and such.

agapelife said...

I always wanted to know, but husband insists on waiting with our first one. We're talking about having babies soon - we'll see when we get there.

Carleigh said...

We waited to find out for our first baby who is now 17 months old. It was THE BEST SURPRISE EVER! Everyone had guessed I was having a boy from how I was carrying. So when our little GIRL arrived we were really surprised and so happy that we waited to find out till that moment. I would highly recommend waiting. A few other thoughts on the topic...We have a small house and really wanted to keep baby stuff to a minimum and not knowing the gender really helped with that and now I have gender neutral newborn stuff for baby #2! Also, it did give me a little extra motivation during labor. All around a great decision for us!

Elizabeth said...

We waited to find out the gender of our daughter and I am so glad we did. It was such a nice surprise! However our doctor was so nervous he would accidentally slip and tell us the gender because we were his only patients waiting. When our daughter was born, I had to specifically ask what the gender was because the doctor never announced it. He assumed we already knew!

Hannah said...

I am seven weeks away from having my third baby and I don't know what I am having. I already have a girl and a boy and found out beforehand both times with them, so this is my first time with a surprise. Your comment about butterflies is exactly how I feel. I keep imagining that moment of picking baby up and discovering whether it is a she or he and I get the hugest excited butterflies just thinking about it. Yes, it still is a surprise when you find out beforehand, but with my other two I didn't have such huge excited emotions lying on the table waiting to be told what we were having, and in some weird way I felt like I knew something I wasn't supposed to know.

Fancy Pants said...

I waited and I'm so glad I did. It was my first and the anticipation helped pushing go faster, I swear it!! That said, for the next baby I think I'll find out so I can plan ahead:)

Natalie said...

I agree that its a surprise whenever you find out! We found out with our first, a girl, and told those who wanted to know and kept it a secret from the rest until 30 weeks when I was tired of calling her just baby in front of my husbands family. This time around we will find out again because I can't wait to know. Plus I have so many people saying that we have to have a boy (since this too will more than likely be our last) but I have to argue two of the same would be fun! We will be happy with either but knowing for me makes planning and bonding that much better! Kudos to those who can wait and leave the envelope on the fridge! I'd so be opening and re-sealing that envelope. :)

Elisse said...

The way I see it, it's a surprise either way! If you decide to "know," it's still a surprise when you find out, you just have to wait less! I would want to know before he/she was born!

carly said...

My cousin had their 2nd child last October, and they waited until delivery to find out the gender of their baby. Their reasoning was that with their 1st child, everything was new and exciting. Being pregnant a 2nd time, it was a bit more predictable. Keeping the gender a surprise was what they did to keep our family on their toes and add some suspense(ha!). However with my pregnancy, we let the doc/ ultrasound tech let us know the gender of our 1st child. I don't think we could withstand not knowing. To me its about preparation and expectations. But I love the idea of a gender reveal group/party. And right after I had my daughter, I heard someone mention, not finding out the gender of your baby until delivery is the last natural surprise left. Have fun! Congrats!

des said...

we didn't find out with either one of our children, one which is due in the spring. after the hardship of pregnancy and labor its nice to know that there is a surprise in the end and to be able to give dad the role of discovering the sex of the baby is a gift in itself. it also allows me not to associate any roles or attributes to this growing being and lets the baby live in a nice neutral space filled with love.

Alana Bell said...

I am due to give birth in two weeks with my third and I have found out the gender each time. Here's the catch though, my husband and I have kept it too ourselves (with the exception of our parents). I'm not a crazy planner or anything but the idea of picking out two layettes, etc. with my first seemed extraordinarily dumb. Additionally, those who say that this is life's only true surprise may be right...but why is it any less surprising at a sonogram half way? I feel I was able to connect with, name, get excited for each baby and not just wonder what "it" would be. Besides I have heard one too many stories where a doc or nurse accidentally revealed along the way or the best yet was the friend who didn't get the "It's a ..." because they assumed she knew. How anti-climactic. Besides, if this is going t be your last, you may be disappointed in the moment if you were secretly hoping for a girl. I'd much rather find out now and get excited about two boys. The funny thing is I know so many people like me and so many with the complete opposite point of view. Which is why, in the end, you do what you feel and after all, all that matters is a healthy baby.

alwaysokc said...

I have 4 children (boy, boy, boy, girl). We have never found out and have always loved the surprise. I loved choosing 2 names, picturing 2 different little people. Each baby had their own "coming home from the hospital" outfit that my husband purchased on his own while I was still in the hospital. The last time he took all 3 boys with him for help. The girl was the only one that really surprised us. While the nurses were cheering for me to finally have had a girl, we were both in shock. A fun happy shock! I had many people that even wore pink shirts that day because she was a girl - not likely that would have happened if I had found out early and it really was great. You get so few real surprises in life......

with love said...

For some reason..yes i would like to find the sex of my baby before he/she arrive.

Belén said...

Congratulations for the baby Joanna!!! I don't think i could wait, but i'm not a mom yet so maybe I would consider your points for a second baby. I think either way it would be awesome but maybe having it in two different days will make two days extra special memories :)

Whitney said...

We found out with our baby girl... and most definitely captured it as a little film clip :) I reacted totally differently than I thought I would (lots of giggles instead of tears)! http://vimeo.com/13349032

Natalie Marie Sullivan said...

We waited and it was the coolest thing ever. The doctor told my husband to call it once the baby was out, but he was so dumb found and excited he forgot so i was asking "what is it? what is it?" finally I saw his little balls and just started crying! Be prepared for everyone to think you know but are just not telling them. Even my mom thought i knew and wasnt sharing.

A Bicycle Built For Two said...

I just want to make a distinction between gender and sex. Your doctor won't be able to determine your baby's gender in two weeks because only your child will be able to grow up and determine their gender. However, your doctor will be able to determine your baby's biological sex. They are not the same thing.

A Bicycle Built For Two said...

I just want to make a distinction between gender and sex. Your doctor won't be able to determine your baby's gender in two weeks because only your child will be able to grow up and determine their gender. However, your doctor will be able to determine your baby's biological sex. They are not the same thing.

Sarah D said...

This is a very honest response. And, I experienced this a bit. When I found out I was having a boy first, I'll be honest that I was a bit disappointed. Of course, this only last a few minutes and then I was so excited. But, my initial response was not all joy. I was actually surprised, b'c I didn't think I cared one way or the other. And, my husband wanted to know b'c he said he needed "time to prepare" himself if we were to have a girl (which we did next). I do think that if we had waited, the excitement of the baby would have over-powered any disappointment-- but you never know. I liked having a minute to feel my feelings without having to feel guilty about it.

In the Marginalia said...

WOW!!! That is a GREAT picture of your ten day old babe! I am amazed!! I am 22 weeks pregnant with our first and I've been so impatient about everyting that I couldn't wait to find out the sex!! Maybe next time around!! It'll be so fun for you guys!!

-Lexy

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MaxxSilly said...

We found out both times. I especially liked knowing the second time so we could tell our then three-year-old daughter what to expect. Getting a sibbling was shocking enough - she then had time to find out if it was a brother or sister...it was a brother.

muybuen said...

Funny, I was thinking the exact opposite to you. I didn't find out the gender with my daughter. It was a fantastic surprise since we were all guessing until the end and I wouldn't change a thing. However, if we were to have another child, I think I would be sorely tempted to find out only to make decisions on what to keep, etc...since space is limited at our place. Anyway, its all fun and Congratulations!!

Ali said...

We found out (a boy) and I wouldn't change a thing :) I will find out with our second too!
Congratulations!
ali
www.40tasks.blogspot.com

Stephanie Sabbe said...

We found out with our first and our second, who is due in 8 weeks, is a surprise! I'm excited and I definitely think it builds to anticipation to wait. I knew there was a little boy coming out with Remi. I'm hoping waiting makes me push harder, faster, etc. :)

southfeasterdelphia said...

Ha, this is my life right now too. We found out the gender with our first, and we are impatiently waiting to find out the gender with the second. Somehow, it just seems like less of an issue the second time around. We have most everything we need and can borrow what we don't have. Besides, it's been lots of fun coming up with two names, why stop at 20 weeks?

It was hard to look away at the ultrasound appointment on Friday, but we did...mostly. My 3-year-old daughter, ultrasound technician wannabe, claims to have seen a boy. I don't trust her non-expert opinion, but we'll see if she's right come May. I wish you luck keeping it a surprise!

Caroline @ The Feminist Housewife said...

After finding out for my first two pregnancies, we are waiting with our third (I'm due on Mother's Day).

I think it's fun both ways, and there are different things to enjoy about either way. The suspense is driving me crazy, but it also makes me super excited and gives me even more to look forward to! Plus I think its fun to have both experiences - finding out and being surprised.

Best wishes with your pregnancy! = )

sarah k said...

We didn't find out with our first, but with the 2nd and 3rd we did. It was exciting to be surprised, but also shocking--I was so certain it would be a girl, because I couldn't imagine myself raising a boy, so I was really stunned although I was instantly filled with love for him.

Also, I find gender-neutral baby clothes and accessories kind of blah. If it's white, my babies will get indelible poop or spitup stains on it the first time they wear it. And if it's yellow or green...well, as soon as I had more gender-specific clothes for my son, I put him in those most of the time and ignored all the yellow and green things I had bought or been given before he was born. So if I were to wait again, I would just buy a few neutral things and then, after delivery, send my mom or a friend to the store to get some cute things in the appropriate gender. Or I supposed you could buy both, then have someone return the wrong ones for you and wash the right ones! But I liked to wash and fold the little baby things and put them in drawers before the babies came, myself...

Either way, congrats and best wishes! If you want to experience the surprise, you should definitely go for it!

Alexa said...

when i imagine that moment, it's my husband that announces our baby.

how fun for you to experience both ways!

RG said...

We just found out today! This our first pregnancy and I was pretty dead set on waiting because I thought with all that work, you should get a surprise at the end! My husband was neutral - he could go either way, he said. Through various conversations with friends and knowing myself I realized that finding out the sex would make it so much less abstract and a lot more real. I would get rid of all the fuzzy feelings of having a baby because I would be able to see the future a little better. Turns out my gut was right, and we are having a boy! I'm so glad we found out. In a matter of minutes, I became even more excited than ever and we just can't wait to meet our little dude. :)

thecreamline said...

I totally see how much fun waiting would be, but with our second, we found out--more for our son's sake than anything else. We wanted to really prepare him for his new sibling, so telling him a baby sister was on the way was a great way to do that. Now that I have a boy and a girl, if I have a third, it'll definitely be a surprise!

HelloCindi said...

When I was pregnant with my son Lansen, I honestly wanted it to be a surprise! There was just something so fun about the thought of not knowing, and it helped that I loved unisex colors-yellow, green, etc. I ended up having to have an emergency ultrasound when I was farther along in my pregnancy and by then it was obvious from the ultrasound that I was having a little boy. It definitely made baby shopping easier but I think if I ever have another baby I'd definitely want it to be a surprise:)

Ashley and Jeremiah Byars said...

We just did a gender reveal party with our family and close friends. We had the doctor put the results in a sealed envelope and gave it to my mother-in-law to make the cake. We had to wait three days until the party and that felt like an eternity! She made an adorable cake. We ate dinner and then cut into the cake to discover we would be having a boy! It was such a perfect moment and more fun than I had imagined. We already have a girl so it was nice to know we would need some new items. Congratulations either way!

Anna Culp said...

It's fun to follow along with your pregnancy... I'm due June 17th! I am planning on finding out the gender, but pretending like we didn't. I have a girl Toby's age, and I'd like to know if I should be saving more of her clothes as she's outgrowing them (I don't save many clothes) and whether I should only pull the few gender-neutral newborn clothes out of storage, etc. But I hate that before children are born they are assigned gender rules, and I'm very particular about baby clothes, so if I get gifts, I'd like them to be practical things. Even though I expressed that as kindly and clearly with my first, people knew she was a girl and I ended up with a wardrobe I wouldn't have chosen for her. I figure keeping it a secret will add intrigue for the grandparents and other loved ones. :)

MrsJones said...

We did the same as you but in the reverse. Didn't find out the sex with our first baby. Being new parents we wanted the surprise factor and didn't want to jinx the pregnancy. The second time around I found out the sex because I needed to be prepared in advance. And honestly we loved that we got to experience both.

Erika said...

My cousin is pregnant with her first baby and everyone, I mean everyone, minus one or two, were so sure it was a girl. Her and her husband had a reveal party where they let balloons out of a box and when blue balloons came out the shock and reactions of everyone were hilarious. So fun :)

moseyblog said...

I am pregnant with my first and we're both dying to find out (although I'm convinced it must be a boy). I never understood how anyone could wait and you just explained your reasoning so perfectly that I could imagine perhaps also doing the same if I get pregnant again.

Janan said...

I never waited to find out any of my 4. And if I had to do it all over again I would still find out. I love planning and naming during the pregnancy. I don't feel the need for the surprise factor, and whether my first or third or last, just having the baby is amazing enough:)

Lishy said...

Hearing my husband announce the sex of our brand new baby was one if not THE most amazing moments of my life...when he said "it's a boy baby, we have a boy!" My heart melted and I fell in love with both of them all over again.

Lishy said...

Hearing my husband announce the sex of our brand new baby was one if not THE most amazing moments of my life...when he said "it's a boy baby, we have a boy!" My heart melted and I fell in love with both of them all over again.

Elyse Slayton said...

Hi Joanna...

I am in a similar boat. My husband and I have a 2.5 year old boy and are expecting a second at the end of May. We found out the gender with our son Xander so we could set up the nursery but mostly so it felt real to my husband who didn't have the benefit of the baby kicking around inside of him. We are not finding out for this pregnancy because i thought it would be fun to try something different. a little anti-climatic at the ultrasound but otherwise cool. Fun to think of both boy and girl names and I am excited about the moment in the delivery room. The funny thing is that all of my friends and family are having a really hard time with it! "how could you not find out?? I could NEVER do that!"

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Esther said...

We are 26 weeks pregnant, and having a mystery baby! I always thought I would want to find out (I am a very organised person), but my partner was clear he wanted a surprise. I read that it can help men bond with their babies more if they know the gender, but he clearly doesn't need that! So, we have no idea. We're taking bets!!
Esther.
http://ecstacyofcontrast.blogspot.com.au/

Gabrielle said...

I agree with Tara's comment just before mine. Its just as much of a surprise to find out at 20 weeks as it is when they are born. Its not like you don't get that amazing moment at the ultrasound either. Then when they are born its not like it is not amazing just because you know their gender already, its amazing because you are finally getting to meet and hold this little person. Either way though, its a surprise because you can't pick a particular one!

We found out with our first, a girl, and also with this one (currently 5 months), also a girl, and both were a lovely surprise to get the news at the ultrasound, and I know my second daughter will be just as amazing to meet at her birth as it was for my first.

Nikki.Bollerman said...

AGREED!

LTS said...

I waited to find out with my son and am definitely happy that I did. It was a great surprise and I wanted to set up the nursery gender neurtral (lots of bright, fun colors) knowing/hoping we would have another child. When my son was born the doctor had me reach down and pull the baby out myself so I was the first to see and say, "it's a boy!" We didn't plan for that, but it was nice the way it happened. Now I'm pregnant with my second and as curious as I am and as much as it would be convenient to know, writing this comment out has reconfirmed our decision to wait again. Best of luck with your own decision making!

Sara Turner said...

One idea I have heard regarding this topic is that you get better baby shower gifts if you know, since most of the good stuff is gender specific while much of the gender neutral stuff is less cute/exciting. On the other hand, who says pink and blue have to be gender specific?

kiki said...

I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant with our second baby. We will be finding out the gender this time, just as we did with our son (who turned two in September). I have to admit that this pregnancy has been different for me than you've described your second pregnancy - I don't feel as aware of being pregnant. The first time we both just *knew* it was a boy and I also have to say that his presence and personality were felt very early on as well. This time I have zero sense as to wether it is a boy or girl or what this new little person is going to be like. While we had a name 99% picked out with our son we waited until he was born to share it with the world. This time, we plan on being open about it. I also feel like knowing the sex and having a name picked out will make the transition for our son a lot easier. Rather than just calling it "baby" he can think about having a baby brother or sister and we will be able to refer to it by name. Somehow I feel like that will help him feel a closer connection when the baby arrives. While I can honestly say that I don't have a preference (boy/girl) either way, I do know myself well enough to know that by 40 weeks I will have convinced myself (or allowed other people's guesses to get into my head) and the last thing I want to feel at the birth is any sort of disappointment one way or the other. While it's hard to imagine feeling anything other than joy and maybe surprise, I think it best - for me and my family - to know ahead of time. That being said, I love the idea of not finding out, the romance and beauty of the moment of arrival and introductions. I wish you and yours much joy this coming year. I do so enjoy your blog, thanks for sharing.

dulce said...

We waited both times and so glad we did. It was the best surprises in the world.

Lisa @lybliss said...

I had planned C-sec (long story) and was awake for No 1 & waited to find out -little boy. Then for my next 3 deliveries I had planned c-secs but was going to be asleep so we found out at 18 wk scans - I didn't want half the hospital knowing before I'd even woke up.
Would have loved the surprise after a long labour or to discover for ourselves, but like almost everything about pregnancy and parenthood life likes to throw curveballs

Unknown said...

I just wrote my Master's thesis on consumerism by new, first-time mothers. On the subject of gender, all of the women I interviewed said they received an overwhelming amount of clothing and thus, very few of the items on their registry (people seemed to love gifting clothes for the cuteness factor, I'm sure). Only one woman waited to reveal the gender and she received very few clothing items because there is hardly any unisex clothing and/or because friends and family weren't sure of how to appropriately gender the child's wardrobe. She said it was great, because she got EVERYTHING on her registry.

Then again, you might have plenty of items from Toby that you primarily need clothing.

So few people wait these days, it might be fun?

Amanda Morgan said...

We kept it a surprise. It made it so fun and exciting! I am also the anxious type though who would worry, worry, worry that they got it wrong in the ultrasound if we DID find out.

macidc said...

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and we're waiting to find out. I do get anxious sometimes but it's our first and I don't want all of our stuff to become gender specific. I get told by someone every day that I'm "crazy" for not finding out. But, we're happy with our decision.

Caitlin said...

I'm 35 weeks with our first and we have kept it a surprise! I can understand how it would feel more real if I knew what it was but I'm glad that we've waited. I can't wait for that moment of finding out if we have a little girl or a little boy. Not long now!

Jillian said...

We waited to find out with our little guy (will be 2 in April), and hearing my husband say "it's a boy!" was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I still get chills thinking about it :) Not sure what we will do the next time, but I promise it is worth it to not find out!

Cara said...

We didn't find out more for selfish reasons. I was afraid of all the pink that would come into my house and I was trying to put it off :)

But seriously, my daughter was born at home and I was so in awe of the child in my arms that I didn't even think to check for gender. My midwife said reach down and grab your baby, then we just gazed into her eyes. I think it was my mom who finally asked, "Boy or girl?" after I'd held her for about a minute. Daddy and I were too starstruck to think of that.

Nina - Living In said...

I didn't find out with my first two (both boys) the surprise was wonderful and not that hard as here in NZ we only have two free ultrasound scans (unless something is wrong). I did find out with my third as I was really hoping for a girl and wanted to have time to mentally prepare myself in case it was another boy. Our little girl was born two weeks ago and although I am over the moon I know for sure that I would have been equally in love if it had been another boy. All the very best for your pregnancy. So exciting!

emilyvannah said...

As the grown baby of a couple that waited to find out I love the idea. I love hearing about how excited they were to find out which gender I was.

Emily
eageremily.blogspot.com

Laura @ Sawan-Heaven said...

I agree with several people when they say it is a surprise no matter when you find out. We found out earlier than later when I was pregnant with our son, and we will most definitely find out for our next ones.

Annaslammo said...

I'm pregnant with my 2nd and we have decided not to find out. I mean, I do want to find out..eventually! but for me it is an extra special moment and reward after labouring when you discover what little person you have. And the guessing along the way is fun. I'm sure it would be good to know for planning...do I donate/throw all those little dresses my daughter wore? we didn't find out with her either and it was awesome.

WWGwyneth Do said...

My god, you get a lot of comments. My finger hurts from scrolling down ;)

I found out with my first for the same reasons as you. I didn't find out with my second for the same reasons you don't want to - and it was one of the best things we have ever done. I felt bonded throughout the pregnancy because I knew how amazing the being would be on the other end, regardless of gender. And that "it's a boy!" moment (especially when we were convinced it was another girl) was one I will simply never, ever forget.

Congratulations!

Jenna E said...

We waited and it was the best decision ever!The anticipation at the end was truly killing me, the last couple weeks especially. You just get so tired of waiting, but so happy we did. There isn't enough surprises in this life.
My husband really wanted to do the announcing once the baby entered the world and I couldn't wait for him to say "IT'S A ...." But he was so caught up in the moment he announced "It's a Girl!, no it's a boy!, No It's a girl!!" The Dr corrected him and told us we had a girl. LOL Kind of ruined that special moment but it's so us.

Alexis Koch said...

We did not find out because it is the one time in this humans life that he or she can not be identified by their sex, they just are themselves and that's it. You love them for them and don't spend a bunch of time imagining what they will be like based on their gender. As we drove to the midwives while in labor, I knew absolutely undoubtedly that a little boy would be joining our family in a matter of hours. When I looked down and saw that is was a boy, it felt so right. My mama intuition had kicked in big time in labor and he was communicating with me for the big journey onto earth. Congrats and may your pregnancy be filled with health for all of you.

k8te said...

i definitely want to be surprised when we have kids...at least with our first. i have my husband on board for this, but ask me again once i'm actually pregnant ;)

igotclucky said...

I used to work in an operating room where we did C-sections. It was pretty damn amazing when the parents waited, I have to tell you.
I have a daughter, and if we decided to have another, I would wait to find out now. I would've never been able to wait with my first pregnancy though since I felt like I had so much to prepare. Now I have lots of friends who would hand me down any gender of baby clothes, and I have no real preference for another girl or for a boy, so I think I could wait.

Hilary said...

We waited with our first, tho sometime during labor, I just instinctively knew there was a little girl in there working along side me to enter this world. That moment when you find out is amazing, but it took us a few minutes to even look, we were just so enraptured by the tiny human on my chest!

Was unsure if I would find out with our second, but a good friend had a baby last September, and they found out the sex (boy), she had multiple ultrasounds, and yet when the baby was born- GIRL!!! So after watching them spend a small fortune on nursery decor and very boyish clothing, we've decided we definitely won't be finding out before our little one arrives!

Courtney said...

I'm sorry-- but after having done it both ways, it is WAY more fun to wait until delivery! I don't feel like I didn't bond to the baby because I didn't know the gender until delivery, in fact, in many ways, I connected more deeply, in a very unspeakable way. We had known with #1 that it was a girl, and didn't know with #2. It was the most exhilarating feeling to have #2 crown (with EVERYONE certain it was a boy!), give that final push, and hear my husband shout, "It's a girl!" Extra nurses came into the room because they said they love the added celebration that comes with waiting to find out the gender! DO IT! DO IT! You won't regret.

kaela said...

I'd like to think I'd have the willpower but I know myself better than that. This girl is a snooper at heart so I know if I had the option I'd take it. But I also do NOT like the color pink so I think it'd be nice to get gender neutral colored clothing/gifts because nobody knows.....that way if it was a girl I wouldn't have to be smothered in my least favorite color and if it was a boy then that works great too! I really like the idea of not finding out at first but having a private reveal later. Who knows...I gotta find a decent guy first haha ;)

Matariki said...

We waited for our first pregnancy and we're waiting again for this one. One of the biggest factors, apart from wanting the surprise, was not wanting to expect the baby to be something before it has the chance to assert itself. Also, I'm not a fan of gendered toys or clothes so not having a gender to tell people meant not receiving exclusively blue or pink clothing!

Tamara said...

I tried not to find out with my third. After having two boys I was (fairly obsessively) ready for a girl. I didn't want to feel any disappointment during my pregnancy. BUT when the time came and the doctor asked me if I wanted to know, I asked her to write it down and seal it in an envelope so if we really wanted to know we could. Well, I made it as far as the parking garage. I got in my car and RIPPED it open - so much for willpower. It was.....a boy! (Picture included with penis circled with "It's a boy!" written on the side.) I burst out in tears and called my husband crying, "it's another boy!" It was a bit of a mess and I only revealed the gender to a few others throughout the rest of the pregnancy. Now don't get me wrong, I love my sweet baby love boy with all my heart and wouldn't trade him for the world. My personal reveal story makes me laugh now.

JBird said...

dear Joanna- there are so few truly wonderful life-changing surprises in life. just wait. i did, and i've only had one, and i've never regretted it. you can still bond with Baby- and no matter when you find out it's such a miracle-

you'll be so happy either way.
Congratulations.

vikas kiro said...

Nice

GOSIA said...

I'm a mum of 3 boys and each time I didn't want to know and guess what each time a doctor ( each time different one) did?? They spilled the beans! And I asked them in advance NOT to tell us!!! Can you imagine how mad at them I was each time!!??

mamajolene said...

I'm 31 weeks with my first (a boy) and we couldn't wait to find out. It has definitely made it easier to imagine a little boy in our life than a little... person. We have fun decorating, picking out clothes and imagine if he'll be a mini me of my partner. I do wonder though, now we have missed out on the surprise element, whether we'd want to experience it the next time round.

GOSIA said...

80%? that's a lot! Here in Poland also the majority of people want to know but a friend of mine who is Finnish told me that in her country the general rule for doctors is Not to tell and if people ask about the sex of their baby than it's bizzare.

megan said...

I would wait and here's why... someone once told me it's about the only 'surprise' as it relates to the baby that papa gets to announce. Mama or the couple usually announce that 'they are pregnant' to family and friends, but this is one special moment that is all for papa... he gets to walk into that waiting room and announce it, for the first time, to all the family and friends. I think that's special and it's papa's moment, so I'll let him keep that.

Miki said...

Awe, congrats!!! I didn't know you were pregnant again! ;D May you and the baby be very healthy and happy :p.

Diana said...

my husband's parents didn't know the sex beforehand. when he was born, the nurse called out "it's a girl!!!" my father in law looked and said "ummm....no, it's a boy....." and the nurse looked close and said "...........oh.............."

i had debated leaving it as a surprise, but then we found out that we were having twins. now THAT is something to wrap your head around, as you know, so finding out the sex gave me something concrete in a pregnancy that was filled with many more unknowns than with a singleton pregnancy.

tanja said...

I'm expecting the first in three months and we chose not to know the gender. There are severeal reasons for this, and I totally respect every woman's or couples choice to do what feels best for them. I think it'll be a surprise and a wodnerful experience when the baby gets out no matter what. I don't have an urge to for it to feel more real. I feel comfortable with the uncertainty and the abstractness. The baby only gets here when it gets here, and I want to give it some peace and quiet until then. I hate it when people talk about it as a real person! It's not. Yet. But it will be and I'm excited for it.
Also I get kind of gender-political about this. We want to meet either gender with the same expectations. I acknowledge differences between the sexes but I want to think of the baby as a new person, who we are super excited to meet and who we can do all sorts of things with.

Beck said...

I have two boys and the older one was conceived through in vitro fertilisation. There was so much planning and scheduling involved that we wanted to keep one element a surprise, since the rest felt somewhat beyond our control, so his sex was revealed at his home birth (another surprise as it turned out - too fast to get to hospital!) We just bought a few neutral coloured baby clothes beforehand, which he outgrew in what felt like days anyhow, then ordered more online - and got lots of gifts.
Our second son was a surprise, thrilling natural conception 12 months later. That time we found out his sex as my more usual need to plan kicked in, and I felt I'd had enough surprises! Either way was fantastic, and I'm glad I got to try both. I didn't feel more or less bonded with either of them, growing them and feeling them moving around was the key for me, not their sex.
And Joanna, if it goes that way, having two boys is fabulous. I get asked so often whether I'm going to try for a girl,and it is not an issue at all, for me at least. All families make their own dynamic and I can't imagine life any differently. Good luck with your decision! My friend was determined to find out and the baby modestly crossed (his) legs throughout, so it may be in the lap of the Gods in the end . . .

Jess said...

I couldn't wait and found out with our first...but I could see how you would be tempted to wait with the second and be surprised in the delivery room. Would your little guy want to know? Would it be easier for him to get used to the idea of baby knowing it is a little brother or sister? When/if we have a second, I think we'll find out to help prep our little one.

Tara said...

i have a few things to say but i'll try to keep it short.

1. i'm a labor and delivery nurse and one of my most memorable deliveries was with a couple that waited and the dad was going to announce the gender. the dad got sooo excited that he stuttered it's a, it's a, it's a...GIRL! they were so adorably happy and excited and it was so sweet. A lot of people seem to wait these days.

2. my mom had 5 children, never found out once, said it was the reason to push and such a wonderful surprise!


3. my friend decided to do a gender reveal party and had pink and blue poppers made for the event and gave the tech the two separate bags of poppers and told her to give her the right bag back after the appt and also write the gender on an envelope with the ultrasound pic. when the poppers went of pink was everywhere and she was so excited but then she opened the card and was like whaat? it's a boy? and sure enough in the ultrasound he was flaunting his stuff. best thing is she caught the whole thing on video. Hil.ar.ious!

4. personally i think i would find out for the first and not for the rest... :) good luck and congratulations!

Karine said...

Definitely wait! One, because sometimes they get it wrong! It just happened to one of my friend who had everything pink for a baby girl who turned out to be a boy. Second, I don't think that babies should be 'customized' and 'branded' in pink or blue as soon as they get out of the womb! My little girl is dressed in the full range of colours, including white, black, red, pink, blue, green, etc. And she is now nearly 2 and playing with her dolls and cars alike.
Third, the waiting is always the best part! Just like you are just beginning to flirt with a boy and you know he likes you too and before anything actually happens, it is so exciting. Or the wait before opening your Christmas presents!
Finally, it makes the birth moment (and the following announcement) extra special, especially in a world where we try to control everything (and particularly when we have babies, how, etc).
Obviously, I know lots of people who prefer to know the gender and I totally respect and understand that!

Anyway, I am pregnant with my second one too (due in July as well) so really looking forward to your posts on your pregnancy!

cay said...

I didn't find out the first time around because I wanted that awesome moment where it's exclaimed so happily. But then we had such a quiet birth (well, everyone except me!) with just me, my husband, the midwife and a nurse, and I ended up pulling the baby out and laying him on my chest that no one remembered we didn't know until I asked "what is it?!?" And had to hold him up to see. Not exactly anti climactic, but not what I expected at all.

This time around we are flirting with the idea of finding out. But we'll see.

Sherrie said...

I'm 6 months right now & we decided to wait, but only 2 more weeks! We're having a Gender reveal shower! My husband is in the military so we live pretty far from most of our family & friends. We thought it would be great to have everyone together when we find out so we've pushed it until 6 1/2 months. I'm super excited, but the Grandparents have been very anxious about it. (They can't wait to spoil Bebe!!) I don't know if I could hold off until the very end, props to you!! <3

Coco Bijou said...

At 20 weeks, finding out that I was having a girl was the utmost surprise and delight! I felt more bonded to her and it warmed me to address her by the name we had chosen for her. We are due in late June with our second and can't wait to find out at the 20 week mark again!

MollColl said...

We waited to find out for both of our pregnancies (two girls) and it was THE BEST. There is nothing like the anticipation of "It's a X!" in the delivery room. We're thinking of having a third and hope to stick to our plan to not find out for that one. Secretly hoping that we'll have a boy so my husband won't be completely outnumbered in the house. Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy! xx

Mona peacecabona said...

We actually were at our week 18 ultrasound today. Since it's our first baby we wanted to know, to be able to feel that we have at least a little bit of control in a situation where we feel completely out of control... and it ended up being an active little girl! Which my husband (and i) are quite estatic over :)

Samantha said...

I am only 5 weeks pregnant (so super early...only our moms know!) but I can't wait to find out the sex. It feels sooo surreal right now, I think knowing the sex will help me wrap my head around the whole thing! :)

SQC said...

With my daughter we waited to find out the gender until she was born and the surprise of it all was exactly what I needed to get through my long labor and delivery. I had an innate feeling she was a girl my entire pregnancy so it was very exciting to know my intuition was spot on. I am now pregnant with my second and we decided that since this will most likely be our last to find out the gender just to see how it feels knowing if we were having a son or another daughter. A few weeks ago we found out we are having a baby boy and we were just as thrilled finding out who is in there as we were when our daughter was born. It has helped make this pregnancy seem more real for me and bonded to my son since I felt before I was neglecting my pregnancy since I was so wrapped up in my daughter, husband and work. All in all I am so glad I had the opportunity to go both ways and both ways are amazing and life changing!

ains_rae said...

My husband and I have decided to wait to find out the sex of our first baby (5 weeks to go!). Our decision to wait puts us among the minority of our friends, who have all chosen to find out.

I knew it was the right decision when close friends were having their baby in November, they knew they were having a boy, and my husband said, "it is going to be so exciting when the time comes to find out what we're having. For us and for everyone." He had a moment, totally cute!

Julia Tuer said...

I think you're confused - it doesn't have to be a party where you invite your friends and coworkers over to revel in your ability to procreate. Most parties of these type involve only the closest family members - your parents, his parents and the aunts and uncles to be. If sharing a beautiful moment of love and surprise with your immediate family is narcissistic, then hell, I'mm happy to be a narcissist and I think anyone else as focused on shared family moments should be proud, too.

danielle riebel said...

We waited to find out with our daughter and it really was the best surprise! There's nothing like that moment when your baby is placed on your chest and you find out you have a son or daughter. Best.

Bree said...

We didn't find out with our first, we wanted it to be a surprise. However, with our second I really felt the need to prepare- myself, the nursery, our daughter- for the sex of the baby. I have no regrets finding out early the 2nd time and I, hopefully, will be finding out the sex of #3 in March. Good luck, Joanna!

summerlily said...

I've had two babies and we waited to find out the sex till the end with both of them. My first pregnancy everyone thought it was going to be a boy - turned out to be a girl and I was so excited!! My Mom was jumping for joy in the waiting room when my husband told the news. It was a great suprise. My second, I had a feeling all along it was going to be a boy and I have to say when he made his apppearance, I wasn't suprised at all. I just smiled at him - like I had already known him for 9 months :) Either way it's a suprise - but I would wait the 40 weeks!

dspence said...

I found out with Little K. We're hoping for another by the end of this year. I'm on the fence about finding out! My husband and I are both into waiting, but I'm such a planner that I want to be fully ready and decorated before the baby arrives. Who knows!

Lauren Knight said...

I found out with each of my kids (I have three boys) and am actually really glad I did! I was convinced that my last was a girl, so if I had gone all 9 months with that thought, I think it would have been so hard to shift gears! However, I can totally understand the appeal of waiting. Whatever you decide, I think we are ALL super excited that such a wonderful mama is choosing to have another baby. :)

Plus, think of the gift you are giving Toby! A sibling is the best gift.

theworldaccordingtojean said...

After years of being told I could not have children, at 39 years old I became pregnant AND then 5 months after that birth, became pregnant again. BC the first one was SUCH a surprise, we did find out. My husband insisted (doesn't like surprises)and he was so excited and I was such a state of happy shock, I went along with and wanted to be somewhat prepared. And then with the 2nd, we found out again but I so wished I had been able to have the dr say, "It's a ?????!". I say, wait!

Meredith M. said...

I have loved reading all of the responses! I'm 19 weeks today with our first baby and the big anatomy scan is Thursday. We aren't finding out gender (unless he/she reveals to us it accidentally), because my husband LOVES surprises. He can't wait to announce it in the waiting room to our families.

I've been so shocked by the amount of friends and family who have been upset with our decision, as if they're the ones preparing for it! I think it's totally a personal choice. We surprisingly don't have a gender preference and would want practical, "neutral" gifts regardless of whether we knew what it was ahead of time. We're just hoping for a healthy little baby!

Christine said...

Am I the only one who kind of, sort of, a little bit thinks the trend of gender reveal parties is a touch narcissistic? I know it is momentous, but it seems a shade gratuitous to expect everyone to gather round and shriek with excitement when cutting a cake.

Denise Thomas said...

We knew with our first but waited with our second. Best decision I ever made! Enjoy your second pregnancy.

Laura said...

I think it would be exciting to keep the sex of the baby a surprise. I don't think I could do it because I would have to know. Either way, having a baby is an amazing experience!

Unknown said...

I once heard that there are only a few real surprises in life. I waited and I wouldn't give our moment of hearing "Its a Girl!" for anything.

copiseats said...

I'll never forget hearing my husband call out at the end of our delivery, "It's a girl!" My eyes are already shimmering just thinking about it. It was his idea to wait and I'm so glad we did. Best surprise ever! Congrats on your new babe :)

Courtney said...

There are very few things in life that you can truly be surprised about...the gender of a newborn baby is one of them!

Rachel S said...

We found out the gender with our first (a girl) and also with our second (a boy). I'm a planner and I like to prepare and know what to expect. I also found that knowing the gender gave the unborn baby so much more identity in my mind and helped me connect before she/he was born. Many people say they want the surprise of not knowing the gender but there are so many unknowns when it comes to labor and delivery that there is plenty of "surprise" already.

Meredith said...

I have a two month old and we did not find out the sex. It made the delivery so excited and if I were to have another baby I would wait again. It's the last real surprise in your life so why not?!
Meredith
www.thelovelyowl.com

elena said...

i will never forget the moment the midwife screamed "it's a girl!". we made the choise to not know about sex, even bianca (because this is her name) was the first child! And was so funny during pregnancy listen to everybody make a prediction about the gender (you know..."your belly is large and low, it's a girl! no, you are so slim, it's a boy!"). and when she was born... the most magic moment ever!!! Elena

nicole said...

We're expecting our first baby in June and we're going to find out in 6 days! I think you had the same feelings with Toby as we're having now...it's all a little surreal!

elena said...

i will never forget the moment the midwife screamed :"It's a girl!" Bianca (this is her name) is the our first child and founding if was boy or a girl, and her face, was the most emotional moment in my life! And it was so funny listen everyone prediction:"your belly is large and low, it's a girl! No, you are so slim, it's absolutely a boy"!!
Elena

Gennea said...

I have always wanted to find out in advance but when I told my MIL that my cousin was having a "surprise" she said that was a stupid idea because friends and family need to know whether to buy pink or blue gifts. At that moment I changed my mind. I realized that I didn't want to have a gender role forced upon my unborn baby by my in-laws. They are infants and should be allowed to have their personalities shine through independently of their gender.

Also, I very much dislike pink.

Eliza said...

I didn't find out the gender of my baby. The OB handed her to me right as she was born, and so I got to be the first one to check and see what gender the baby was. It was really gratifying to be the one to do it!

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Tracie said...

We waited with both of our children and it was the BEST surprise ever! It was awesome to get that announcement as the baby was born. And it drove everyone else in our family crazy, which was just fun!

SRBratton said...

We're expecting our second baby in April and found out it was a boy when we had our CVS test. We just thought it would be easier to prepare if we knew. We don't mind telling people it's a boy (like we did the first time) but we are not telling anyone the name. It's also nice to be able to tell our son that he's going to have a brother!!

Kelly said...

Wait! Not only is it SO fun for the couple, but it's also incredibly exciting for friends and family. Everyone will want to know immediately what you had and it creates this great joy around the whole event. Plus, after 33 hours of labor it was so memorable to hear the doctor say "It's a..." and I looked down and screamed out "girl!".

Michelle Shopped said...

No, I didn't find out ... I like the big surprise at the end of 9 months...love it when kids I know nowadays are opting not to find out the gender, I'm seeing it more often than not in my circle lately...

Emma (Glitter and Gold) said...

we waited to find out with both our girls and those moments when we found out are 2 of the most special memorable moments in my entire life.....

Sew Succulent said...

Joanna,
Just to say, I have 2 boys (didn't know the gender, best moments of my life when I found out at their birth), but I bristled at the comment of "having a third to go for your girl". I always wanted a girl, but now with my two boys I couldn't be happier, and always kinda roll my eyes when folks ask me about a daughter.

I'm the one who wrote you about the "reveal" I saw at Cafe Cluny, and although it was delightful, waiting to know is a thrill like no other. Congrats to you!!!

Unknown said...

We waited and I wouldn't have it any other way. For me, finding out first would have been like opening gifts before Christmas! I am so glad we did. It's the best surprise ever.

Darina said...

Toby is so teeny in that picture! What a doll. Does he like looking at pictures of himself as a little baby?

Elizabeth said...

We were only going to do it once, so we waited for the surprise. I still knew in my heart that I would have a boy; I'm such a tomboy that I had no idea what I'd do with a girl.

Then I heard those marvelous words, "IT'S A GIRL!" and I've never looked back. It was worth the wait.

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NosyRosie said...

I wanted a boy so bad, I did not want to find out. When the doctor said, "it's a boy!", my husband said I let out the sweetest noise he's ever heard. I think it also keeps people interested! I hope you wait it out!

Erin said...

We waited both times (two daughters) and the delivery room announcements were the two most thrilling moments of my life, truly. So I always say wait. You can do it!

gsangstar said...

can you tell me where the rug in the top pic comes from? you're the cutest!

Fashionably Wed said...

I am currently pregnant with my first child. We are not finding out the sex ahead of time because I adore surprises. I know it will be a surprise if we find out now orr later. But I have always dreamed of finding out if it's a girl or a boy just as I have holding my child for the first time at the birth. Sounds like a magical moment and I can't wait! Sidenote: my husband had always said he would probably want to know ahead of time but now that we are actually expecting he wants to be surprised as well.

Melissa said...

Joanna, we waited on both of our boys and I wouldn't have done it any other way. You are right - that moment of 'it's a' is so very very special. And it was so fun during the pregnancies to deliberate over both boy and girl names. For me, it felt just a little more special when we had the baby since everyone was on pins and needles to find out what it was going to be! It's really hard to wait, but I think it was absolutely worth the wait.

Niki said...

I am a very superstitious person and had always said I was not going to find out the gender when I had children. That said, I found out almost two and a half years ago that I was pregnant with twins. Although people thought I was crazy, I stuck with my gut instinct and didn't find out the genders! Because of constantly being monitored, I was at the doctor and having ultrasounds more regularly than a singleton so I can't say I was any ultrasound tech's favorite patient. However, the delivery was so exciting and moving, especially when we found out we had a girl and a boy. I would absolutely wait the next time as well.

Tory said...

Congratulations!! So exciting!
I'm due next month with #2 and were surprised with #1 but I'm finding it WAY harder to not know this time around! In fact I had a u/s yesterday and I pretty much tried to talk myself and husband into just finding out and I'm SO glad we didn't. As I keep telling people (or continuing to convince myself), the not knowing makes the whole labor part really worthwhile....or so I like to believe. There are few really wonderful surprises left in this crazy world and I rank the surprise of finding out the sex of your babe when he/she enters the world at the top. Whatever you decide will be exciting....but my vote is to enjoy the suspense for the rest of this journey!

kimbrali said...

found out for my first two which of course was nice. loved to shop and prepare but our third babys gender was a surprise and the most exciting thing i have ever done in my life. i can still play that moment in my head in slow motion like it was a movie i was watching. there are few surprises in life anymore and it was wonderful. also i saved a shit ton of money from not shopping :)

Nicki E said...

With our first baby I wanted to find out for the same reason as you, but my husband very adamently did not! So during the ultrasound, he left the room for a minute while I learned the sex!How I managed to keep that secret was a small miracle. It worked out well because we each got what we really wanted at the time. However, my husband did mention that he wouldn't have minded finding out. He was actually quite surprised by how much he didn't even care at the delivery! Once the baby was born, we were so enthralled by him that at least 20 minutes passed before he even thought to check! For our next little one, i would love to be able to wait, but i know in my heart that i just won't be able to. I think that without a solid reason to wait, I just won't be able to do it, and I haven't yet heard a reason that makes me think: yes! that sounds amazing! i will totally wait!! The surprise at the ultrasound at 20 weeks was still amazing and surprising and real and exciting and all of those wonderful things!

Jessica said...

I feel exactly the same way! And am also at 30 weeks! Good luck to you!

Kristine said...

We just had our first baby and didn't find out, and I have to say, it was the best experience ever! My husband felt strongly that he didn't want to know, and I hadn't thought enough about it to say one way or the other. So, we went with the surprise. I'm so happy we did! Think about it: how many true, real surprises of this caliber are left in life? You just can't beat that moment. :)

And the moment lived up to the hype. I loved wondering every day who this little baby was going to be -- a girl or a boy today? It was so much fun. I was pleasantly surprised at how it kept us from attaching too many gender-related expectations of him or her. Instead, we were just focused on this baby, not who he or she will become or do in life, and it made me feel so in touch with the experience of just being pregnant....without assuming too many things about him or her. I also secretly got a kick out of how it drove everyone crazy that we didn't want to know. :)

Our baby was a boy and we couldn't be more in love. Enjoy your second pregnancy!!!

Christy said...

Lucy Miarabelle, this is such a beautiful way to word things. I have been turning this over in my head since yesterday and just wanted to let you know.
By the way, we have 9 weeks to go and can't wait for our surprise!

Christy said...

This is such a beautiful way to word things. I have been turning this over and over in my head since yesterday and wanted to let you know.
By the way, we have only 9 weeks to go and can't wait for the surprise!

Mommys Memory Lane said...

I thought for SURE I would wait to find out the gender. So when we got pregnant in June, I convinced my husband to wait to find out. Then, around 4 months, it was keeping me up at night!! So we decided to compromise with a gender reveal party. We brought the sealed envelope to the baker and had them do cupcakes that were stuffed with the appropriate color frosting. We bit into the cupcakes with our guests and found out the gender with everyone. (Not peaking at the envelope for WEEKS was the hard part!!) It was actually SO fun prepping and sending out invitations and all of that. The anticipation was wonderful. If we're blessed with another child, I WILL wait until their birth. ((Because some days, I secretly wish I had!))
Here's a glimpse at our party: http://mommysmemorylane.blogspot.com/2012/11/its-a.html

Kate @ Savour Fare said...

I'm not a waiter anyway (There are plenty of surprises around birth) but with number 2 in particular I wanted to find out so we could prepare our older child. I actually struggled a bit when I found out I was having a boy (I was so in love with my daughter) that I'm glad I found out then -- once the baby was born, I could fall totally, completely in love with him and I had a bunch of darling baby boy clothes waiting.

Lauren said...

In most health authority areas in the UK they refuse to tell you. We have a (free) national health service - if you want to know you have to pay to see a private doctor to find out.

Jess said...

We didn't find out for our first and the surprise was nice but I felt like I didn't get to bond with my baby boy while he was in my belly still. I think it's because you can't refer to them by name and I had a hard time planning a nursery. Now I'm pregnant with my second and we found out by having the ultrasound tech write it in an envelope and doing a small gender reveal with family over Christmas. I think finding out with them at that moment was just as exciting as when I delivered. Plus I get to design a gender specific nursery :) You can't go wrong either way and congratulations on your second pregnancy.

Christine Case said...

I found out the genders with my first pregnancy because I was having twins and that was surprise enough! I did not find out what i was having with baby #3. It was really fun not knowing, but I'll admit it was easy not knowing because i already had a girl and a boy. I'm pregnant with #4 now and not finding out this time either.
Personally, I think gender reveal parties are a little too "look at me!!" I think announcing tout pregnancy and baby's birth, with a baby shower in between, is plenty. Maybe a family only gender reveal would be ok. But the over-the-top invite everyone parties are too narcissistic for me.

Camille Acey said...

I am due in a few weeks and we are waiting. I think next time I might found out just so I know which things to save and which things to maybe get rid of, but I am excited for the surprise with this one and am enjoying everyone's theories and guesses.

Brian said...

as my brother-in-law said: it's a surprise no matter when you find out-whether before or after the birth.
we loved knowing for both pregnancies what (who!) we were expecting. for the first we didn't tell anyone, so it was still our secret, but for the second we did.

Caitlin said...

Just posted about this on my blog: http://www.hardlyhousewives.com/2013/01/why-were-waiting-to-find-out.html

We are at 29.5 weeks and still going strong on "Team Green", as they call it. I wish there were options for cuter "neutral" stuff out there (besides the usual ducks), but I am shopping for stuff in white, ivory, grey. Either way, I don't want any princess gear or toy truck stuff... yet (Good luck, I know, after the baby is born)! Congrats to you and Alex and Toby!

e.frances said...

I am currently 35 weeks pregnant and do not know the gender of baby on the way. My husband REALLY wanted to know - but i always wanted to surprise. Now that my date is coming nearer and nearer I must say that i am so STINKIN' excited to find out boy/girl - it is really keeping me focused on the good/exciting part to labor rather than all of the scary bits. (This is my first!)

Good luck with your decision! My advice - if you aren't QUITE sure if you want to know - don't find out in 2 weeks.... you can always find out at a later appointment! :)

KATE said...

I just has my first baby last Friday and my husband and I knew from the beginning we wanted to wait to find out the gender. I wanted that "It's a ...." moment once he/she was born. We had a beautiful little girl and we are so happy (although we would have been either way).

Nikki said...

We waited to find out the sex of our baby.

It was the most incredible experience of my life. After pushing and meditating for three hours, I felt that blessed ring of fire, and then everything spilled out....and there was crying. Sweet gentle soft crying, as he was coming out! My doctor was so soft spoken, "Nicole, reach down and get your baby." I almost was paralyzed because I was in disbelief. She said it again to both of us, and my beautiful husband and I reached down together and brought this absolutely new, perfect, creation with a little red blood on him, to my chest. In this moment of pure bliss we almost forgot, but my husband turned the little one over and told me, "It's a boy." A BOY!!!!! Ahh, it was incredible.

maggie rhyne said...

We are having our first in April, and we are waiting to find out! It's true it's the on e real surprise in life. At our 20 week Ultrasound the tech gave us printed images that didn't reveal the gender. She also have us two, taped together, that do reveal the gender. We have them with the others but we are not tempted. We are saving them for our baby book ;)

Tibi said...

We waited to find out with my daughter and I'm glad we did. My husband wasn't too keen on waiting but in the end he loved it. Everyone, even strangers, would ask if i was having a boy...so we had in our heads we were having aboy. When I heard the shock in my husbands voice say "its a...girl?!" is something I will always cherish and a feeling that cannot be replicated outside of that climactic moment.

I'm the opposite of others I guess and find that waiting to find out with the first makes the most sense. There are so many unknowns as first time parents, and neither of us had strong preferences of the gender that it wasn't a big deal not knowing. It is really exciting having that moment of surprise in the delivery room. With #2 I don't know if we will do it again because as others said, I may want my daughter to be able to know if its a brother or sister.

I don't know about others, I think a previous poster mentioned it, but I think the downside is I think I would have felt a stronger bond while pregnant had I known what we were having. But I was really nervous about parenthood most of my pregnancy, so it may have been just been me.

While I certainly understand you waiting, I always like knowing what other people are having! So for selfish reasons I'd like you to find out!

Morgan said...

We are actually doing the reverse :), our daughter (and our first) was a surprise! And with this second baby we are throwing a 'gender reveal' party. We are due just about the same time you are.

Morgan @ PepperDesignBlog.com

Unknown said...

i wasn't sure i wanted to find out the gender of our baby boy even though my husband did. when we were at the ultrasound appointment, before we could even talk gender, she had the ultrasound wand on the x marks the spot. she didn't say anything, but it was UNmistakable. two little legs, and a very obvious twig and berries in between. i yelled out, 'it's a boy!!' no surprise for me :)

- caroline @thecopperavocado

KH said...

We are expecting our third baby in March and we haven't found out ahead of time with any of them! We request that my husband be the one to tell me the sex of the baby rather than the doctor, and it makes for such an intense, incredible moment for the two of us (not that it wouldn't be that way if you already knew what you were having, but for us it was just the icing on the cake).

I also had two somewhat scary birth experiences and I found it incredibly distracting (in a good way) to focus on "soon I'll know if we have a daughter or a son" when things were getting a little unnerving. This baby's birth will be a planned c-section, so it adds an element of "surprise" to this experience, too.

As far as logistics are concerned, we just bought all gender-neutral baby gear/clothes beforehand and were gifted with plenty of gender-specific clothes after our children's births.

Congrats to you!

Fashion for the rest of us said...

We found out with our first, and I thought it was even more important to find out with our second. This way we could involve my son more -- he is already planning all the things he can do with his younger brother, and he can relate better to his friends who have younger brother. From a practical point of view, I also wanted to know whether I had to take all those baby blue pijamas to the consignment store :)

http://fashion-for-the-rest-of-us.blogspot.ca/2012/10/were-having-boy.html

hepatica said...

If you care about the gender, then find out! IF you really don't care, then wait. That is so personal :) If you decide to find out, then once you find out you will have time to envision and dream of your new family the way it is going to be, not the way you were wishing. Such a lovely process. Because, in the end, it is your child and you will be so happy and completely in love no matter the gender. <3

LadyJ said...

One of my best friends is a midwife, who once pointed out to me that finding out at your 20-week scan (which is when we can find out in the UK) is no less a 'surprise' than finding out on the day you give birth - whichever day you choose, it's still a monumental surprise, because either way you can't possibly know what's coming.

I have a 4.5 year old son and an eight month old baby boy - we didn't find out with the first, but did with the second because our older boy was three when I got pregnant and had an understanding of what was going on. We felt it would be nice for him to be able to 'bond' with his little brother or sister before he or she arrived, to be able to talk about him or her and get used to the idea. I was SO sick for the first 20 weeks of my second pregnancy, that I kind of assumed it was a girl. So I got a real shock at the scan when they said 'boy' and I admit that for one tiny moment, I felt a little sense of 'I'm never going to have a daughter' as we're definitely only having two. But I'm so glad I felt that at the scan and not at the birth. The birth of my first son was an incredibly traumatic experience for which I had to have counselling (therapy). And in contrast, the labour and birth of the second was extremely magical - it sort of repaired the emotional and psychological damage and fear I was left with from the first. I wouldn't have wanted any tiny sense of disappointment - however momentary - to take away from that magical feeling and sense of immense achievement.

I am one of three girls and never even imagined I would have a boy, let alone two! But man is it GREAT! Congratulations on your second pregnancy. It's a total roller-coaster and INSANE most of the time, but when you see them falling in love with each other, your heart will want to POP!

Megan Tatum said...

We waited with our first and are waiting with our second, due this August, as well. It is the most fantastic thing to hear, "It's a... BOY!! (in our case). If you can make it through this next appointment without being tempted to find out, it will be well worth the wait! Best of luck. :)

jessmonster said...

We found out this time - my husband REALLY wanted to know and I preferred a surprise, but figured I make more pregnancy decisions by default so I let him call the shots. And boy was it obvious at the ultrasound! I don't know how we could've kept ourselves in the dark.

Hena Tayeb said...

With my first pregnancy we found out.. it was so new and so much uncertainty knowing gave us some control over the situation. When we expect another we may or may not.. not sure.

Fashion for the rest of us said...

I was as impatient as you are to find out the sex of our second baby, and I think that it made it easier for my older son to get ready for his sibling's arrival!

http://fashion-for-the-rest-of-us.blogspot.ca/2012/10/were-having-boy.html

3weemonkeys said...

I am currently pregnant with number 5! My first 2 were a surprise, I found out with the next 2. All 4 are boys! So now, I don't know what to do! I want to say we are going to be surprised...but I not sure I can wait that long to find out!

sarah said...

I know I am absolutely late on this, but I thought I would share. My husband and I had our first child last April and we decided not to find out the gender. Being totally Type A, I thought it would be THE HARDEST THING EVER but it really wasn't. In fact, it was really liberating. We picked out a boy name and a girl name. I didn't feel obligated to go with a gender specific nursery (which I wasn't wanting anyway, but I felt like if I knew the gender I would feel obligated). People thought we were nuts, but hearing the doctor say "It's a..." and hearing that little cry was the best.

Gretchen Johnson said...

I'm 38 weeks along now, and we never even had to discuss it- we both knew from the beginning that we wanted to wait to find out the sex. Maybe it's because we're old-school, but it's been so wonderful to have this excitement and "unknowingness" growing along with my bump, and with each passing day.
Science allows us to know and see SO much, and it's a wonderful relief to be able to know that our baby is healthy and developing properly- and we love looking at the ultrasounds and 3D pictures of our little one. But there is so much magic in making a human life, I wanted to hold onto that mystery and wonder for as long as I could.
Plus, I am a little bit of a control freak, and being pregnant has been an important life lesson in relinquishing control sometimes and letting life just BE. Keeping the mystery alive has allowed me to release some of my neurotic tendencies, and embrace the experience in a different way. There are plenty of adorable gender-neutral clothes and decor options, and I'm not stuck with all the super-frilly girlie things or the sporty boyish cliched outfits that you always end up getting from well-intended friends and family (see? there's that control freak in me).

Not to mention, it gives me the best "out" when people try to ask about baby names! Easy- we don't know yet!!!

Danielle Skye said...

This is exactly how I feel too. I always think I want a surprise, but then it kills me and I'm in absolute agony and suspense. I'm the type who needs to know if the option is there :-)

VivaCindy said...

WAIT!! It's the best surprise in the whole world. What other surprise in our life will be as wonderful! And like you said, you already can imagine a little baby with you. We didn't find out with our son (17 months) and I'm due in June and are not finding out again. It would feel like I ruined something by knowing. This coming from a surprise LOVER.....if my Xmas presents were under the bed, I would not even peek...I hate spoiled surprises. Really wait......then you can know which way was better!

Julia said...

Hi, Jo!

I had my first child on Nov 21st, 2012, and we didn't want to know the sex of our baby, so we actually found out the moment he was born. I must say it was difficult at times -especially when deciding on decor for the baby's room etc-, but we managed to wait until the end, and it was a magical moment. While the baby was coming out, the doctor said: "It has a girl's face... Ooopsss! Wait! It's a boy!" We were super excited and, if we have another baby, I think we'll do exactly the same.
Love from Córdoba, Argentina.

Kali said...

We waited with our first and we're waiting again with our second (I'm almost seven months along). I wouldn't have it any other way. With our first, the moment of reveal was one I will never forget. The doctor showed our baby to us behind first and my husbands exact words were, "And we have aaaa… VAGINA!" Classy. And priceless. Plus, I was way off in my predictions. I thought for sure it was going to be a boy so it was such a surprise! We would've been elated either way but it was well worth the wait. Plus, there's so much gender-neutral stuff out there… it makes it pretty easy unless you have your heart set on a baby-blue or Pepto-Bismal-pink room.

KariKamilla said...

My husband and I decided at the last minuet to find out. We got to the ultrasound and just couldn't wait. We didn't want anyone else to know just yet so we kept it a secret from everyone for a long time. It was fun to share that secret with my husband. We ended up not having a gender reveal party like we wanted but it was still fun to call everyone up and have them guess. We waited until the very end of the pregnancy and spilled the beans right before he was born. :D

Tara Talalas said...

My thought on this is that you can prepare better if you know. The argument is always "I want it to be a surprise". Well it's gonna be as much of a surprise at 20 weeks as it will be at the end. If you want to wait that's fine but stop using that excuse.

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dveeeeeee said...

But with this second pregnancy, everything already feels very real, and it's easy to imagine holding a wizardry gold wriggly baby in our arms. And how amazing to have that crazy surprise at the end of a long labor, when the doctor or your partner calls out "It's a ____!" It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it! Since this will (most likely) be our last baby, I'd love to see dark fall wars gold what that moment would feel like.

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